Author: Colettehatesyou
Plot or Cover/Blurb:
The cover is good. It's simple, and easy to read. I do have a small concern though: what the heck is going on with that person's hand??? It looks like a webbed foot or a mangled hand. Now that I noticed it, it is really starting to freak me out. It does not look natural. Oh my god. I'm not kidding.
Just a small correction for the blurb and that would be to change "psyche" to psych. Other then that it is fine, it doesn't give away to much and alludes slightly to what is going on in the book.
3/5
Grammar:
I did notice quite a few grammatical errors, but they were mostly small things that aren't the end of the world and aren't overly distracting. Just be sure to clean them up when you get around to editing.
3/5
Descriptions:
You do a wonderful job setting the scene which I love. You are very descriptive, which I think is a good thing. Your descriptions weren't overly whimsical or anything, but they don't have to be, I think that they are just fine the way they are.
4/5
Characters:
I have mixed feelings about this MC, she isn't horrible, I've read characters that are a lot worse. I think my issues are because you tend to to tell more then you show. And for character development it is so important that you let the reader put together some things, instead of throwing everything in their face.
3/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
Ugh. You really had something good going until you ruined it by using a mirror to describe the MC. That's a big no no. It is cliche and your writing makes me think that you are way better then that. It is a lazy cop out. Granted your mirror description wasn't as bad as some that I have read, but still it disappointed me.
"Callie come in". should have the period inside the quotation marks, not outside.
There are quite a few places where you slip into telling me instead of showing me what is happening. Which makes some spots really annoying to read. Then on top of that you have a lot of weird sentences thrown in. I understand that this is a rough draft but it really takes away from everything that you are writing.
I also had an issue with the part where she is talking about the fight. It isn't really shown before hand that she has a short fuse or is incapable of coping with an intense situation. Her reaction to being annoyed and then punched in the back seemed a little much. Or at least it didn't fit with what I had gathered about her character. She seemed frustrated, but it read like she wasn't lashing out against anything because she didn't want any repercussions. And then she becomes really volatile because someone was punching her in the back? Idk it seems a little much, but at the same time if you wrote things a little differently you could sell it. You just aren't selling it currently.
I feel like a hypocrite when I say this, but, you really should cut down some of your paragraphs. They are a little too long, which makes it harder to read and stay focused. I write long paragraphs all the time and it is hard, but you have to try and pare them back.
3/5
Overall:
There a few good parts and some rough pieces. I think that this book needs to be cleaned up a bit, but it isn't bad.
Final Score:
16/25
