Author: anya_riva
Plot or Cover/Blurb:
The cover is weird. I don't like it at all. I think it has to do with the lettering and how the mask doesn't look like a mask until you stare at it for a bit. But my biggest issue is hands down the lettering. The word "Mind" with the weird background halo thing looks really weird and tacky. Then you have "over" which should be capitalized. Then from there you have the really sketchy looking "Mask" that isn't pleasing to look at.
The blurb is fine, it is interesting enough to get my attention. There isn't anything specifically about it that makes me want to launch into reading the book, but that is typical of most blurbs.
2/5
Grammar:
Okay, so, you have a decent amount of issues thrown around but there isn't anything that is overly horrible. Just clean it up.
3/5
Descriptions:
You describe something fine, but I want more. I want the scene to be set better, I want to be grounded and to know everything that is going on. I don't want to be left in the dark.
2/5
Characters:
Hmmm...yes and no. I feel like the MC has a really strong personality/character, however I think you have a hard time portraying it well. You should work on more showing instead of telling, and that will really help her pop.
3/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
From what I read and from the blurb I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that Angie and Arya are going to be a couple? Which is so cute, and you did a good job of dropping some potential chemistry without killing off your reader.
There is a lot of dialogue, personally I'm not a fan of excessive dialogue, I like more direct story telling. I also want to mention that some of the dialogue is a little ehhhh, it borders on the edge of not sounding like two people talking so I would watch out for that.
Woah woah woah, that was not a smooth transition. In the second chapter 6th paragraph you just throw the whole ghost thing on the reader. There is nothing that really leads up to it and it reads super jagged and jerky. There isn't anything pleasant about it.
"Did I mention that he was a cat?"
Fuck no. Don't do that. You describe the thing like it is a cat, and you most definitely do not put that kind of inner monologue in there. Also, the inner monologue type thing is really weird in this story. You throw it in at really weird times and I'm lost.
You do way too much telling, you are supposed to show the reader, do not straight up tell the reader everything. That is boring.
This reads kind of messily? I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like everything is all over the place and not in a good way.
3/5
Overall:
You have something here it just needs cleaned up and worked on.
Final Score:
13/25
