Author: calmingfire
Plot:
I don't know what the hell is going on and I love it.
You have crafted a huge mystery that leaves me wondering, and trying to put together what this story is about. I don't know whether they are aliens, a cult or some insane superhuman type mashup. I don't know, and I'm also not offended by it. In the way of a master story teller you have left me satisfied yet craving more. I want to know what the hell is happening, and who they are. But I also don't think that your story is lacking in the way that some do when they try to create mystery. I hope that makes sense.
4/5
Grammar:
So I guess your grammar is fine I didn't catch anything, but I was also hyper focused on the story itself and less on the technical aspects so I probably missed something.
4/5
Descriptions:
You have descriptions and they're good. You don't have a lot, just a couple here and there to break the thickness of the sentences. Though, I could also do for some more because I'm greedy and I feel like it could help balance the story out a bit more.
4/5
Characters:
You didn't really have any super obvious characters beside the Master in the first chapter, so this is just going to be based off of the little bit that came up about him. I do appreciate that you didn't attack the reader with every little last strand of information about the Master or any other character for that matter. You kept it minimal, focusing more on the mystery and intrigue that you set up instead. Which is something that I can appreciate with my entire being.
Anyways, Master seems like a very commanding leader and I can't tell if him and the Agains are aliens, a cult or some type of weird super humans? But, the way you describe them and him really brings them to life without the need of a long winded (and boring) history about them.
4/5
Other Things I Hate:
The ~ and the large amount of space before starting the first paragraph. It's gross and annoying, I don't really know what the purpose of it is either? Unless there used to be something there once upon a time and it's gone now?
The indentation- some people like it, but in wattpad books I hate it. There's just something about it that makes me angry.
Your story is weird in the way that the sentences kind of flow together, but, at the same time it feels like I'm trying to swim through pudding. I don't know what it is exactly, but I think it has to do with your writing in general, it just comes out as thick and almost clunky without the clunkiness. I really have no idea how to describe it, and I don't know if I like it or not.
The long ass space at the end of the chapter...why??
2/5
Overall:
Ugh...I really liked this book. It's unique and interesting and I'm going to go read more of it, which is probably one of the biggest compliments I can give. So, despite this sucky review I'm off to read more.
Final Score:
18/25
