Author: GayathryR
Plot:
Is there a plot?
In the very first chapter it doesn't seem like it. I just want to point that out. I feel like the entire thing is useless. You could argue that it is there to introduce the main character and her friend, but you don't do a very good job of it. It's just confusing and doesn't make me want to keep reading at all, not even a little bit. I suggest reading back and try to find something to focus on and work your plot into your first chapter, or at least make it seem important, as it is the most important part of your book.
1/5
Grammar:
You had quite a few grammar issues, and these are more noticeable ones at that. I really suggest you go through and edit or find someone else to do it for you. There is a decent amount of things that need fixing.
2/5
Descriptions:
You kinda had descriptions, but not really the kind that I am looking for. Your descriptions are super basic, there isn't anything creative about them, and they are basically the same thing I have read in a hundred other super boring books. Spice it up, get creative and funky with it.
1/5
Characters:
Ehh.
There wasn't much to go off of here, besides the fact that these are some super boring characters. It didn't feel like you made any effort to really develop or show off their personality or any character traits. And the little that you did was super vague and just didn't really hit home. They are just another set of weird friends in a story that don't have a single interesting thing about them.
1/5
What I Hated:
Do not start out a story with a waking up with an alarm scene. It is super cliche and a new writer mistake that happens a lot. If you don't believe me you can look it up. But seriously, just don't do it, it's tacky and over done and doesn't make a good start.
Also, you want to avoid introducing your character by directly having them say what their name is. That is another super tacky thing and some writers can pull it off, but most can't.
"A girl who set half of her dream apart for someone else."
I'm not quite sure what you mean by that sentence. Are you trying to say that she left some of her dreams go for someone? Or she shuffled her hopes aside for someone else's?
You write in a very "telley" kind of way. You don't leave much up for the reader to find out and instead you cut all of that out and just tell everything that is happening.
There isn't any flow to your story it is very jittery and jerky, there isn't anything that is smooth about it.
0/5
Overall:
If you are younger then do not take this super seriously, I got a small vibe while I was reading that you might be younger (like 14 or below). But, if you aren't then I really suggest going through your book and really being aggressive with it. I really think that you should tear this apart and try to rebuild.
Final Score:
5/25
