Author: Silverstep11
Plot:
There isn't much that goes towards the plot in chapter one, which is fine, as a slow moving plot isn't the end of the world. However, seems how there isn't much for me to say about it, I want to mention something that I had an issue with in the first chapter. This was the super, super long getting ready scene. I might be a bit dramatic but it seemed to drag on forever, there were some important things thrown in there, but I feel like some of it could've been thrown out or changed in a way. It's not the end of the world, just something to look at when you edit.
4/5
Grammar:
"When haven't I?" I ask** (instead of say, because it is a question)
Overall, there are a couple of mistakes but nothing glaringly obvious.
3/5
Descriptions:
Yassss!!! You're knocking it out of the park in this department. You have made your world so much more vibrant and loveable because of all the descriptions you do. I love it. I mean, I'm a sucker for good descriptions and that is what you have. They're not perfect, and some could use a little tweaking but I really do like them.
4/5
Characters:
YOU'VE GOT THIS DOWN!!!!!!
It's so nice to read about characters that have actual life in them. Characters are so important in a story, like super, super important! And yours are amazing to read, they come across as actual teenagers, and not the cliche over the top kind (there are a few cliches that sneak in but nothing too horrible). I can't express to you how much I love these characters and how great it is to read about them!
5/5
Other Things I Hate:
The second paragraph in the prologue is a decent length, yet, there are only two sentences in it...that's an issue. You need to break up that insanely long sentence and give your reader a break.
"It was good, wasn't it, that she was nearly done." You make a statement, then you write something that borders on a question, and then you wrap it all up with something that's already been said. This sentence needs changed.
I hate that the first chapter starts out with her waking up, though you do it fairly well, almost enough for me to give you a free pass. But, I can't, you really want to avoid starting with the cliche of waking up and starting your story. If you want to read more on why it's a bad way to start google it, there are so many places that will set you straight.
3/5
Overall:
I don't know why I like this story so much, but I do. Your writing isn't perfect, and it still holds the untrimmed, rough edges that happen in a first draft. Yet, I do plan on reading more of it. Even though werewolf books aren't my thing, I want to find out what happens and read more about the characters. You do have things to work on, and editing to be done, however, I think you are on the path to creating a very successful story. I hope it works out well for you and I'm going to go read more of it. Which is really the best compliment that I can give you.
Final Score:
19/25
