Author: Niranju98
Plot:
I'm not quite sure what the plot is. Though it seems to be some sort of science fiction type story, where I assume that the main character is going to get together with the guy we meet in the prologue. I could be wrong though. To where I read in the book nothing in the plot really stands out, it seems just like your staple plot that you can buy at the corner store.
3/5
Grammar:
Your grammar isn't bad. I've seen better and I've seen worse. Most of the issues I have are just smaller type ones that are easy fixes with a simple read through.
3/5
Descriptions:
You don't really describe anything which is a huge loss for your story. It is crutial to set the scene and allow your reader to glimpse what the enviroment in your story looks like. I want to know what their suits look like. Are they black? Red? Bright pink? I don't know because you didn't mention it. Descriptions are vital to stories, they are what picks up a story and hurls it into your face so that you can't ignore it.
I do want to mention though that you did describe some characters, however, I really think you can do better. Through in some analogies, make it interesting, you need to throw some spice into your story.
2/5
Characters:
You need to work on developing your characters and making them more lively. From your writing style you never really convey much in the way of personality, it's more of a simple brick wall type situation going on. Try and l funnel your character into your writing, bring them to life. That will make your book so much more of an enjoyment to read.
3/5
Anything Else I Want To Take Points Off For:
The title of this book is SUPER long, like crazy long. You should really try and brain storm a different title. The issues with longer titles is that they're harder for people to remember and are an eyeful to read when someone is looking at your book.
Don't and I mean pretty please, never, ever, ever, put an authors note before the chapter starts. What you have before the prologue should be its own little thing, or at the end of the chapter.
The first thing I noticed with your writing is that it doesn't flow. You sentences are choppy, not exactly short, but they don't flow well from one to the other. I suggest you read over your work and try to phrase the sentences differently or spice them up to fix this issue.
In the first chapter what is with the weird formatting? Instead of being normal like the prologue it's disjointed with awkward paragraph type spaces? I really suggest fixing it because it really threw me off.
Don't tell us your characters life story. I don't want to know all about her family and everything else. It's not vital for me to know that they're middle class, or what her parents do. Instead show it. Describe things, drop hints to lead the readers to the conclusion that she is a middle class family. If the garden is important, work that into your story line instead of just dropping it in one paragraph.
1/5
Overall:
This book does need some work, and I highly suggest fixing what I suggested above. Though, I think you should start first with working on getting your sentences to flow more smoothly. Once you have gotten that ironed out move on to incorporating descriptions and character traits that stick out. Then, you will have a story that will be a much more entertaining read!
Final Score:
12/25
