Author:
Plot:
No?
Is there a plot? Honestly I don't know. It isn't apparent at all in the prologue, which for the record doesn't really read like a normal prologue so idk what's happening there. But seriously, some chick is going to get married to an alpha and that's great and the two friends are talking a lot.
I didn't really get much from the dialogue either, or at least nothing seemed to be important at all.
1/5
Grammar:
Dialogue grammar is something that you should read up on, especially if you really, really want to start the book with dialogue.
Here is a quick guide but I suggest looking it up.
Incorrect: "Hey." He shouted.
Correct: "Hey," he shouted.
Incorrect: "Hey!" He shouted.
Correct: "Hey!" he shouted.
I'm bored, but that's just super simple bits, I really suggest you look it up, or find someone to give you a lesson on it.
You have a ton of grammar issues holy shit. And just issues in general, you really need someone to edit this for you. I'm not just saying this, I mean it. You need outside help to allow you to reformat/write this, because it is hard to read.
0/5
Descriptions:
Your descriptions don't make sense, and honestly I don't want to call them descriptions. They just don't read correctly like most things in this story and it makes me uncomfortable. You also describe things in a super basic non interesting or unique way that really is just dull. You need to add more to it, or rework the way you describe things.
0/5
Characters:
I couldn't even tell who was talking most of the time. These characters come across as super similar and equally annoying and bland. There really doesn't seem to be much to them, and they're just not fun to read about. I couldn't care less about their existence, like at all. They're just another set of characters, that mean nothing to their world.
0/5
What I Hated:
I really, really, hate that there is a period at the end of your title, it just looks gross and shouldn't be there. Unless you're trying to make some sort of point. But still, ew.
Another issue I have is with the title itself, it isn't grammatically correct. Or at least doesn't sound nice read in my head or said out loud. You read it to yourself and determine whether or not it sounds good but, if I saw that title I would nope the fuck out of there.
Don't put the word count at the very beginning of a chapter, if you must put the word count in the chapter put it at the very end, like where an author's note would go. That way it looks neater and doesn't interrupt the story.
Don't start a story with dialogue, it's a super common young writer mistake and you want to avoid it when you start a book. It just starts your book out horribly, and doesn't bode well for the rest of the book. If you don't believe me you can look it up, there's lots of things about it online.
There are way too many mistakes in this chapter, like holy crap, you need to get that fixed. The amount of mistakes make me wonder if English isn't your first language? And if it isn't then, don't take my criticism too seriously. I suggest, if that is the case you find a writing partner that is very good at English to help you out if you desire to write in English just to help smooth things over and get your story out.
0/5
Overall:
I suggest you find someone to help you with your writing. And to do a ton of research so that you can fix all the problems that are dumped everywhere.
Final Score:
1/25
