Author: lostnfovnd
Plot or Cover/Blurb:
The cover is good, the image is clear, the writing is fine. I do have a complaint about the writing that is above Nebbia, I had to get the screen pretty close to my face to read it clearly. Otherwise I don't have any complaints about it.
The blurb to start with is fine. It is somewhat interesting but it sounds angsty and not really something that I would like to read, but that is just me. However once you start the quotation marks you lose me entirely. There is nothing in there that makes me interested, instead it made me crinkle up my nose. I feel like it is trying too hard and there also isn't anything in that that makes me want to read. Partially because it reminds me of a lot of other books, and is just not something that I go for. Especially the she doesn't know how great she is, she puts up a wall, and she is misunderstood. Not for me.
3/5
Grammar:
Your grammar is fine. I didn't really see anything, but my attention was also entirely focused on trying to make sense of what I was reading.
3/5
Descriptions:
*cracks knuckles*
I don't even know where to begin. And that is not a good thing. As a general rule I am a huge fan of descriptions and lots of them. However, I really, really hated your descriptions. Like to the point that I was so confused that I was getting angry about it. I did some consulting to make sure that it was not just me that didn't understand what I was reading, and that made me feel a little bit better.
However, I really don't know what to tell you. The wording that you use is so weird and I am still questioning most things that I read. I didn't break them all down below like I did with the first paragraph, because if I did this review would literally be a book.
I guess I should give you points for using descriptions but I'm really torn.
1/5
Characters:
Ehh
I really don't like the MC. She comes off as really drifty and dreamy and not in a good way, I also feel like she's super flat. There is nothing about her character that makes me want to read about her, it is all just basic and very typical of books that I have read. I want more to her. She can be boring and dull, but if you write it correctly her character will still come alive. But right now this chick just isn't cutting it.
2/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
"The music was blasting in here, windows down, and the increase in current flow allowed a top speed of 200 miles per hour. The car was running like it was on jet fuel, leaving behind the burdens of the previous night. I realized it was not going to be a great day the very moment I had left home. It was all cloudy around the sky and the sun, almost hiding, melted with the light green shades of the sea."
So, I don't like that ^^ there are some good pieces but the wording is weird and places and I am so confused about some parts of it. I'm going to break it down, seems how this is the start of the story and for me and it isn't starting out that great.
"the music was blasting in here" that is such a weird way to put such a simple thing. You're saying that the music was blaring, or blasting, or bumping, in the vehicle, but you don't mention anything, you just say in here. Which, generally when you say that the music is blasting people and assume that you are somewhere? I guess what I'm trying to say is that the "in here" feels weird and awkward and I don't think it is needed.
"Increase in current flow" what the heck are you talking about?? Am I dense??? I'm assuming that you are talking about the way that the air blows through a vehicle when you are driving and the window is down. But again, that is a super weird way to say that and it's really confusing.
200 miles per hour?????? Ummmm ... what???? You're already making it sound like they're in some kind of crazy weird futuristic car with the "increase in current flow allowed a top speed of 200 miles per hour." I'm confused. I thought that this was in present day? Not in 2069.
"I realized it was not going to be a great day the very moment I had left home. It was all cloudy around the sky and the sun, almost hiding, melted with the light green shades of the sea."
Honestly, I don't even know, this is the weirdest way that I have ever heard a cloudy sky described and I cannot get behind it. That sentence is like it is written in a different language to me. And on a side note, if this lady is using the amount of clouds as a sign of whether her day is going to be good or not I feel bad for her. Even if Portland, Maine gets 203 sunny days a year.
You need to do something with Tired. I read in the comments that you said it was the title of the song, however there is nothing in the writing that points to that. Nothing. You can't just drop something and then not give the smallest of indications that it meant something.
I could seriously go through each paragraph that I read and break it down, but I'm not going to. Just know that I have lots of issues.
Just in general, with literally each paragraph that I read I am so confused. There isn't anything that is really concrete and the shifting and movement of the people in the car and then to the party is just not obvious. And by not obvious I mean that it is barely/poorly narrated. I get that you want to paint a specific feel (or I assume that's what you want) but it isn't for me.
0/5
Overall:
You can write, and have a somewhat decent writing voice. But this story is worded weirdly and has some really confusing descriptions that just don't work. And in general I was just confused.
Final Score:
9/25
