Author: wateryeyes
Plot:
Hell yeah dude!!!!
Listen, when I started reading it I was expecting a love story, or some weird sappy stuff. But, nope, it's about Zombies, and I'm all for it. You managed to display important information without making me want to hit my head off of a wall. AND you threw in some interesting things that kept me on my toes and involved in what was happening. I feel like this book is going to be a wild ride, with some random dry humor thrown in there. It may eventually develop into a story with a relationship in it, but so does almost every book in existence.
4/5
Grammar:
I'm seeing a few issues here and there, generally with sentence length and commas. But it's all simple, easy stuff that a quick edit with clean right up.
Dialogue grammar!!!! Below is a quick, and a high-key shitty lesson:
Incorrect: "I want to eat your brains." He seethed.
Correct: "I want to eat your brains," he seethed.
Incorrect: "Okay!" She shouted.
Correct: "Okay!" she shouted.
Incorrect: "Come closer," he waved.
Correct: "Come closer." He waved.
Incorrect: "Not today Satan." Eve mocked.
Correct: "Not today Satan," Eve mocked.
This is super simple and basic, but there is a lot more to it and you should look into it.
3/5
Descriptions:
Did you have a ton of beautiful, eloquent descriptions?
No.
Did I care?
No.
The descriptions that you used were good enough for me. You make it work, even though it is more on the bare minimum side of things. I still appreciate the small things, but I also didn't feel like I was missing out on anything well I was reading. So, congrats, I really like descriptions and usually end up begging for them, but you pass.
4/5
Characters:
Again, can I get a hell yeah?
I like her. A lot. She's quirky, and realistic, like how someone might actually be while the brain suckers are taking over. She is a good mix of down about everything, and cheerful about hanging on to specific tasks that we take for granted everyday. But, at the same time she isn't throwing a damn party and giving herself major cudos for surviving.
4/5
Anything Else I Don't Like:
I know I'm being picky but I don't like: "gazed up at the white stars as they whizzed by in the sky." To me this doesn't do it. The stras don't "whiz" unless you're driving or moving, and that's stretching it. Unless she's in a vehicle, or this isn't Earth, in which case, whatever.
Some of your sentences are on the fringe. You'll go from having nice writing, to falling into a choppy, icky hole. Edit. Read over, and dissest those buggers, and set them on fire.
3/5
Overall:
I feel like if you read what I said above, you don't need this. I really liked your book. It might not be the most correct, or prettiest one that I have ever read but I enjoy its existence. Fix what I say needs fixed and you're on your way to shaping this book up.
Final Score:
18/25
