Author: Lovely_Bohnes
Plot:
I have no clue what the plot it? Like at all? All the first chapter was was somewhat introducing the main character, and his family, him eating and then talking with that Blake person I think. Not much, and most of it was dialogue. I think if there was a bit more suggestion as to what the plot might be, it would be better.
2/5
Grammar:
Dialogue grammar here is a quick guide to help you, but I suggest doing more research:
Incorrect: "Come down here." He said.
Correct: "Come down here," he said.
Incorrect: "Move!" He shouted.
Correct: "Move!" he shouted.
Just suuuper simple basics, and I'm feeling lazy so this is as much as I'm going to do. You just really need to watch your grammar with dialogue, because there were a lot of issues with it.
2/5
Descriptions:
You didn't have any descriptions, at least not really. They were kinda there but not in the typical sense. And, descriptions are a super important part of a story. It will bring it to life and keep your readers interested.
1/5
Characters:
I don't really know what to say here. There isn't much to really go off of, and the characters are kinda ehh. The only defining thing is that the main character is called sadist a few times but it isn't mentioned why.
1/5
What I Hated:
Right off the bat you really, really want to avoid starting a story with dialogue. Not many people can pull it off and it is often one of the biggest mistakes that young writers make. If you don't believe me, google it, you'll get a bunch of websites that'll love to describe it to you.
There is way too much dialogue. In the first chapter you should spend a bit more time setting everything up, and showing some important things, rather than dialogue that comes across as annoying and fairly basic.
You should mention why the mother keeps calling the MC a sadist. I feel like that's kind of important, and it's just confusing with that being thrown around yet there isn't anything mentioned about it.
2/5
Overall:
This story needs some TLC and editing, but I'm sure you can change it around it you really set your mind to it.
Final Score:
8/25
