Author: HermyneKhaling
Plot:
Okay. So, when I saw that this book was a teen fiction novel I cringed a little. It's nothing against you, just my experience with the genre. I, more or less, can get behind this book. But, I'm a little disappointed, and I want you to tell me that I'm wrong. Is this going to be a boy and girl get together in the end after hating each other with no other real things that happen with much significance? Besides the typical high school drama and bratty girls? Please, please tell me that there is more to it than that! I want to like this book, I really do, but if that's the way it goes I'm going to cry myself to sleep. Your plot is veering in the direction of stereotypical teen fiction and I hope that isn't the case, so, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.
3/4
Grammar:
When you use "mom" all by itself with no other defining words with it, like a, the, my, then it becomes Mom. Think of it as being used in place of a proper name. And the same thing goes for when you use "dad". There are a few grammatical errors sprinkled around that need edited out. But, you have your dialogue grammar down which is good.
3/5
Descriptions:
I want to know about more than the weather. Please? You can describe things but I need more of it, I feel as if I am in a dark tunnel with some dreary weather. Nothing seems to have much substance at all. If you add more descriptions into your book you will raise the experience of reading your story, instead of leaving it at a ground level.
3/5
Characters:
I don't know how I feel about the main character. Personality wise she is fine, there is nothing outright offensive about her, she doesn't seem to hold that "every other teen fiction female character" vibe, at least not yet. But, at the same time she needs to have more to her. I don't feel anything for her as a character, she's just another person that I'm reading about. I want more. Bring her to life. Add more to her character and bring it through in your writing. It's another important thing that will make your character stand out.
3/5
Other Things I Don't Like:
There are quite a few places where you have awkward clunky sentences that keep the story from flowing. And really there isn't much in the way of flow to begin with, just a small amount.
4/5
Overall:
This book isn't bad, but it isn't the best thing I've read either. It needs work, like most wattpad books do, but nothing too crazy. I believe that you can turn it into something better than it is.
Final Score:
16/25
(I honestly surprised myself with this score because I thought it would be a bit lower. You should be proud of yourself!)
