Author: edara1999
Plot:
I don't know what is going to happen. Like, seriously none. I believe it's going to be a love story, which is fine. Girl and boy potentially getting together, simple and classic.
3/5
Grammar:
There are quite a few simple grammar issues where the wrong word has been used. And you switch between present and past tense. You or someone else needs to read through and correct these issues.
3/5
Descriptions:
There aren't any descriptions because this first chapter is written in letter form? I think. Or at least that's what the ending makes me think of. If that is the case then you could've incorporated something more into it. A description, even if a small one, and even in a letter (though harder to do) can change the whole game. You didn't describe the man that she was talking about, you could've mentioned something about his face, hair, clothes anything. Especially seems how the narrator sounds like the sort of creep that would obsess over small details like that.
2/5
Characters:
The female main character comes off as crazzzzzzyyyyy, like seriously insane. I picture her as a creepy stalker following this poor guy around and learning everything she can about him without speaking a single word to him. She seems a little obsessive and unstable, and not liked by many, more of less the loner type. Which, if you've ever watched an American Crime show is the perfect recipe for a killer, though I don't think you're going that way with her. Her character stumps me a little, I can't seem to figure out if it's going to be a normal story or not? The way she seems obsessed over this guy, and writing a letter, and wanting to be close to him but too afraid to speak, is weird. I don't know if maybe this wasn't your intended effect, and you merely wanted her to come across as desperately in love with this guy in a normal way. Which, if that is the case, yikes, I'm sorry, but that doesn't come through at all.
3/5
(I'm giving you that score because I love her insane type character traits, and the stalkeresque vibes that she gives, and the possibility that she's a murderer. But, I took off some points in case that isn't the way you meant for her to come across as.)
Other Things I Don't Like:
Your title is super long! It's a mouthful to type and read, which makes it a little harder to remember. Maybe consider shortening it up a bit.
There are a few issues with flow in the story, where the sentences don't go well together at all.
3/5
Overall:
You have a few things to fix, but it is a decent start.
Final Score:
14/25
