Author: Lisez-le-lui
Plot:
I think it's a cute idea, it just needs some more life breathed into it. It is interesting, but I think it could use a bit more too it so that you can grab the reader's attention better and actually make them want to continue reading your book.
I also want to add that I like the unique nature to this book, I don't think I've ever read anything similar to that and I really appreciate it.
4/5
Grammar:
I think you did good, I didn't really care to be honest. Which is always a good thing. And seems how I'm in a good mood I'll give you full points.
5/5
Descriptions:
I talk about this below.
You don't really have much in the way of descriptions that I read. I think it is something that you should try to work into your story though, as descriptions make everything better. Even with the way you are telling this speaking more of the surroundings and describing them here and there would do wonders, and break up some of the endless drone that seems to happen at times.
3/5
Characters:
I love your characters!
They are all vibrant and are distinctly their own, which is wonderful. You also managed to do this in such a short span of time and really make me want to continue reading just because I like the voice of the characters. This is a really strong suit for you and IMO one of the more important pillars because without them you won't have a story.
5/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
Right off the bat I kind of hate the title, but the more I look at it the more it almost grows on me. It is quirky and gets my attention but would also be a bitch to try and remember, or type correctly. I mean I was literally staring at your book and attempting to type the title and I kept messing it up over and over again.
Generally, I hate when the first chapter starts out with dialogue, it makes me feel aggressive. But, for whatever reason yours doesn't really annoy me that much and I like where you start it so good job I guess.
You tend to get a little long winded with the main character and his numerous reflections to different times. Some of them are a fine length but other times it feels like it drags on forever and end up becoming boring. I really suggest reading through and trying to slim some of them down for clarity and easier reading. And near the end I feel like you get really carried away and that made it hard for me to really stay focused and continue reading, just because all I wanted to do was skim. I also really want to give it a chance because I like the voice of the character.
Alright, listen, this is really boring to me. And I honestly hate that I don't like it because I really want to. My main problem are the excessive amounts of dialogue and your choice of telling the story. From what I read it is supposed to be a "recounted experience that is being written by someone that heard about it" or at least that's how I understood the very first part. And with that pairing with the lack of normal (by normal I mean like the kind of books that you generally see everywhere) writing, which is something that I love. I'm always in for some good description and story telling in that kind of way where you travel along with the characters. For your book it always feels like I'm not allowed to know what is going on around, and what is happening. It reads like it has blinders on and even then you can barely see anything.
I like to see and experience what I'm reading, not go off of dialogue and what the main character has to say almost non-stop. It isn't my preferred style of book to read, however, I'm not bashing how you are writing it. I just think that you should really, really consider taking down some of the long windedness and expose your readers a bit more to what is going on around them that way they can feel a connection to the world which will strengthen the attachment to the main character.
Also, also, I really like your writing voice, you showcase your narrator so well and make it really seem like it is a character telling the story, instead of the distant, arms length not interesting at all vibes that other writing can give the reader.
2/5
Overall:
I like what you have here. I think you should try and shift it around a bit to break up the dragging monotony that happens at times and breathe a bit more life into the world that they are in. You have the characters down, you have the grammar, you just need to work on writing the story and making it really come to life. You are, at least in my eyes, close to having something really good and unique.
Final Score:
19/25
