Author: cookieamongstars
Plot:
This is a very interesting plot. Seriously, it is unique and it does prick my interest. I don't really know where you are going to take it, but I don't think that matters too much.
4/5
Grammar:
There are a few little mistakes that are in there, but nothing super obvious or horrendous.
4/5
Descriptions:
You do have descriptions and I appreciate them. They are a good amount of describing mixed with a generous helping of actually propelling the story onward which is important. I like them and that's all that matters.
4/5
Characters:
I like the characters too. They seem pleasant and well put together, but I also didn't read a ton about them, so I guess time will only tell with what will happen. But, I don't have any big issues with them, they're just fine.
4/5
What I Hated:
Right off the bat I suggest you change the beginning sentence from "Others might of" to "Others might've" as might have makes more sense then might of in the context of the sentence.
Holy crap the first sentence is waaaaayyyy too long. Put a period after another language entirely, and then get rid of something and capitalize "few". Bam. Problem solved and a lot easier to read and it makes more sense.
And again super long sentences. You need to cut these up. They are super easy too as well, with minimal changing. I really really suggest it.
Again with might of instead of might've.
2/5
Overall:
The writing here is decent. You have an interesting choice and it isn't a bad start at all. I think you have some talent here, you just need to work out the kinks and pay attention to your comma use and the length of your sentences.
Final Score:
18/25
You should appreciate that score because it is pretty high.
