Author: Avis_Scipione
Plot:
It does seem to be interesting, actually, at least the premise of it is. Now, the pacing, and the writing for me at times really detract from the plot. I'll get into that more down below. But, with just the plot I think you did a decent job creating one that isn't horrible and has potential.
3/5
Grammar:
I didn't really notice any actual grammar issues, so good for you.
4/5
Descriptions:
Your descriptions were pretty good. There were times when they seemed a little too much, but whatever. I think you should just be wary of how you string your words together because if a description is clunky, then in my eyes it doesn't add anything to the story.
3.99/5
Characters:
I read only the prologue, so there isn't much in the way of characters in it. But, from what I can tell it seemed like you had a good idea of the guy that was going to die. It just got super annoying and boring when you kept repeating the same things over and over again that I as a reader already knew. It got old and fast. Even though it wasn't the character, it made him seem annoying.
3/5
What I Hated:
"The flames of long candles sent nervously flickering light through the hall, making the shadows dance like creatures of the night. They were the only light in the marble hall, all windows hung with heavy curtains."
I like that paragraph but at the same time there is something that seems off about it. Like your description is pretty good but the way the words go together just reads a bit weird and clunky.
Listen, I HATE ellipses in some places in stories, or when they are formatted in a weird way, like the one you have is. It looks ugly and adds nothing to your story. At the very least I suggest connecting it to your words...like so.
"And even if -in the canal, he was an easier prey for the man crossing the hall." What the heck. This line confused me too, we're talking about the canal, but not?
Okay, and my hatred for ellipses goes the same for hyphens, connect them correctly or throw them out the window and into the canal.
More. Fucking. Ellipses. Ugh.
And. Again. With. The. Hyphens. No.
Wait since when is he on a latter on a platform???? Did I skip over it or does it just not say?? And when the heck did he start bleeding?? That's an important thing to mention I would think.
A "clack" that word just sounds gross.
It was boring towards the end, I ended up just skimming because I couldn't focus enough to read the rest of it. And there were times that I had a hard time understanding what you were trying to say.
2/5
Overall:
It's fine. Not horrible, but it could use some work. I would look into your wording, I understand that you're going for an old timey vibe, but you can accomplish that with still having sentences that flow together. I think some people will probably love this book, it just got boring for me because I didn't care about the character or what was happening.
Final Score:
15.99/25
