Author: Marisha_bae
Plot:
A woman is involved in a car crash and forgets everything, including her husband. This is a common theme that pops up every so often. It isn't horrible, just fairly common. I didn't read enough to get a good insight into it, but I feel like the plot will be able to shine through more once you get your grammar under control.
3/5
Grammar:
You have numerous mistakes through the whole entire first chapter. I suggest that you find someone to help you edit, just because I feel like English may not be your first language? I'm not positive and I don't mean to offend by saying that, it's just that there are a lot of simple mistakes. I'm not going to go and correct them all. Just know that there is a lot of work that needs done and I really suggest doing it as that will make your story easier to read and understand.
1/5
Descriptions:
You have super basic descriptions, but they don't really cut it for me. I need more, you should describe more in detail using different words instead of the same descriptions that pop up in soooo many books.
1/5
Characters:
I didn't get much of a feel for the characters seems how I didn't read much. However, I hope that you follow the simple guide of weaving your character's personality into the story and making it flow with everything else. That way there won't be any sketchy info dumping that becomes annoying. Seems how readers want to figure out things themselves, not be spoon fed everything.
3/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
Watch your present and past tense, right in the first paragraph you run into some issues.
"I feel (present) like I was hit by a truck. I tried (past) opening (present) my eyes but it feels (present) like my eyebrows are made of concrete."
Also eyebrows? Generally when I open my eyes my eyebrows are not something I think about or feel moving? When you open your eyes it is your eyelids that do the most moving. So it just sounds weird to me.
Again in the second paragraph more tense issues, they really are a big deal because they throw off the whole flow of your story and make it awkward/uncomfortable to read. Also you repeat the word "light" twice which sounds repetitive.
You need to work on actually telling a story. This all reads more like a list, with very vague descriptions and something that makes me uncomfortable with the way some of the sentences are put together. I'm getting some vibes that English may not be your first language? And if that is the case I really suggest that you find an editing partner that can help you with the grammar parts and other things, because I think that would be very helpful for you.
I'm not going to read past the very first chapter just because I don't have much to give to you. In my eyes grammar should come before everything else and your grammar needs a lot of work. So, I feel like me tearing everything else to shreds or continuing on reading won't be very helpful.
1/5
Overall:
You need to fix the grammar, and once that has been fixed so that there are not so many mistakes then you will be able to properly expand and grow your story. As it is right now though, I find it difficult to read and distracting.
Final Score:
9/25
