Author: HisHighnessRicmar
"Death was a cold companion.
Colder still when I knew Death was a woman."
I love this starting line.
Plot:
Yes and no.
I think that it has a lot of promise to shape into something good, but I also didn't get past the first paragraph of the first chapter, so that's only relative I guess.
3/5
Grammar:
Yeah, you're decent at grammar, congrats.
4/5
Descriptions:
You know that you can describe things really well which you showcase perfectly in the prologue.
So, would you like to tell me why you threw all that out the window, spit on it and then ground it into a pile of shit in the first paragraph of the first chapter? I'm mad about it. I was really starting to like your writing, and it might be better after that, but without a good starting paragraph I'm not going to continue reading.
Anyways, you're good in the prologue and then it's like a different human wrote the first paragraph of the first chapter.
Fix it.
1/5
(Because I'm pissed about it)
Characters:
Death and the MC are both developed really well in the prologue and I really enjoyed reading about them. You did a good job utilizing the prologue to lay out some important foundation and give a good look at the characters. I like it.
4/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
I'm a mix between skimming and really loving it. I feel like the skimming is probably from my excessive lack of sleep, but I am determined to keep reading and finish this review so whatever. What I have read is decent at least I think so. I'm intrigued but not enough to throw myself into it.
Ugh.
I'm disappointed.
Everything in the prologue was great. First paragraph of the first chapter and you have lost me. I'm done reading right there. That paragraph is awkward, rough, wordy, annoying and just a disgrace. I'm mad enough and it turned me off enough that I'm going to stop reading.
2/5
*because I fucking loved the prologue but you shit on the first paragraph of the first chapter and I will never let that go
Overall:
Fix it, right now. I swear you need to. I like your writing a lot, it interests me, you just need to fix whatever happened in the first chapter. And I suggest finding someone else to review your book as well.
Final Score:
2/25
^That is motivation to fix what you need to fix.
Do it.
