Author: Dreamingoftime
Plot:
This plot appears to be one that I have seen all over the place, a cliche of sorts. However, I haven't read the whole book so there is always a chance that I'm wrong. But, either way I don't have a whole to say. The pacing seems fine and I don't really have an issue with it.
3/5
Grammar:
There are a few issues strewn throughout. Places where words should be and aren't, and other little silly things that are super easy to fix. I didn't go super in depth on this and I don't think you should either. There are things that need fixed in your story before you go too crazy on the grammar, as yours is decent enough it doesn't harm your overall story.
3/5
Descriptions:
Okay. You describe things, some things, and you're very picky about it. Instead of describing the scenery and what is happening all around our main character, you mention other things. Your descriptions are technically descriptions so I can't say that you don't do them, but you don't take the opportunity to use them to your advantage. As a writer you should strive to set the scene, mention the world around, and throw in any other little descriptions that are needed. You tend to stick with the little descriptions that could be so much more with actual backbone to them. It will make the story be so much more enjoyable to read and easier to connect to the characters and the story line.
2/5
Characters:
You need to work on your character development. Your characters, though somewhat present, are not involving. There is nothing about them that makes me want to keep reading your book because I'm interested in how their story plays out. You need to make them so much more then they are. Expand on them, give them something funky that makes them stand out. Breathe life into them so it as if you are writing about actual people that have had something happen to them and are going through the story as you are writing it.
2/5
Anything Else I Want To Take Points Off For:
Your paragraphs are super short. Even though this is wattpad a longer paragraph (as in 5ish sentences) keeps me much more focused on the writing.
In the prologue you need to set the scene more. I want to feel something about what is happening to the character and the horse. I want to know sooner that they are competing, and where they are. I want to be coaxed into the beginning and eventual demise of Royal, so that when her death happens I feel something.
3/5
Overall:
This isn't a horrible book, but I think with some extra elbow grease you could really make it shine. I really do think that you should focus on more of the basic aspects of the story before you worry about much else. Like potentially giving the plot a unique twist and crafting characters that your readers can relate, hate and enjoy.
Final Score:
13/25
