I'm Yours (Sequel to "You're mine")

Chapter 131: A stitched heart

- 2 weeks later

Talia's POV

I loved winter. Not many people like that season, or its weather. But I could really enjoy it. I appreciated nature's way of cooling everything down.

I was seated outside, on a bench located at the 'playground' encircled by the buildings. I was enjoying the chilly air, inhaling it deeply. As I exhaled, I watched my breath turn into white smoke. I smiled a bit as I remembered I was still alive. I was still going on. I was still fighting.

My attention quickly shifted to the visitor's center, where many people entered. I saw families reunited and friends visiting each other. I always found it odd how people were happy to get a visitor. Weren't they feeling upset? Or ashamed to have people come here? Weren't they angry to drag their loved ones through this rough path? Or confused by how the dynamics in their relationship changed?

Maybe it was just me...?

I let out a deep breath as I got back up. I put my hands in the pockets of my pants, trying to keep them warm. I slowly walked around, having no clear destination. Nowadays I enjoy not knowing what to do next. It relaxed me not to worry about the future.

I walked by several rooms in which activities were for the patients. I tried some of them, including painting, music, yoga, dancing... It was fun for that time but I couldn't bring myself to go a second time.

I noticed today was a special activity: sewing. I thought it over for a bit before entering the room.

_____________________________

"So," The therapist sat up, looking at me. "I heard you went to the new class today?"

I nodded. 

She looked at me, seemingly waiting for me to start talking about it. But, when nothing came, she went on: "How was it?"

"It was ok." I looked down, at the little heart in my hands. 

"Did you make that during that activity?" She asked, motioning to the little heart I was holding.

I nodded and showed it to her.

As she took it from my hands, she smiled and nodded. "This looks really good," She inspected it some more before handing it back to me. "Well done."

I couldn't help but smile. "Thanks."

She smiled more, she seemed happy she made me smile. I guess it was her job... "Are you going to give that to your wife?"

I nodded before looking back at the heart. "I don't know if she'll like it."

"She'll like the thought you put into it."

I looked up at her. I know for many people the words of a therapist sound comforting and supportive, but to me... not so much. It just felt unnecessarily nice. I get that she had to help me get better, but I just didn't feel like she meant any of her words. It felt forced...

"Are you going back for that activity tomorrow?"

I shrugged and looked back at the little heart. I was playing with it, distracting myself. It's odd how I chose to make a heart. Why a heart? Why did I go for something so generic? Was I really not more creative? Was that really the only thing I could think of when it came to Leah?

I could've made the letter 'L' for her name. Or an elephant, but maybe that's a bit too difficult. Or perhaps a star, for the boys. Or the shape of the Eiffel Tower. 
Why did I choose something so boring? She'll hate it.

I dropped the little heart.

The therapist, who was in the middle of talking, stopped talking. She looked at what I had just done. "Talia?"

Here we go again, with the question, and the observations, and the analyzing of my mind... 

"Talia?"

I looked up at her.

"Why did you do that?"

I shrugged and looked away. I looked through the window, which was close enough to me.

"Talia?"

Why didn't she understand I just wanted to be left alone? I needed time to think and process my thoughts and feelings. But how can I do that when I have to do activities, and therapy, and eat, and exercise... I understand they want to make you feel better by guiding you in any way possible, but I literally had no time to just think. 

"Talia," I heard her getting closer to me. "We need to talk about this."

No, we don't! I wanted to yell. But I didn't want to be locked away in here forever... So, despite my own wishes, I looked back at her. "It was an accident."

I could tell she didn't believe me, but I honestly didn't care. I'd say anything to get her away.

She reached for it and handed it back to me. I know it was a nice gesture, and I should've taken it from her, but I didn't. Instead, I kept looking outside. She sighed and walked to my nightstand. She put it there before looking at me again. "It's a really thoughtful gift."

I looked at her.

"You probably have many doubts about your wife's second visit, after what happened the last time she was here, but I think she's really going to appreciate this gift," She paused briefly before going on: "A gift isn't always perfect, but isn't it the thought that counts?"

I looked back at the heart I made before looking back at her.

"Just tell her you made it for her, she'll appreciate it." And with that, the therapist left.

_____________________________

I breathed in and out. I tried to focus on my breathing, holding it in my belly and releasing it through the mouth. I breathed in slowly, and held the air within me, before releasing it again. This was an exercise they had taught me here. One that would bring me back to here and now. One that would remind me that life is passing by too fast and if we don't take a moment for ourselves, we get lost.
Maybe I lost myself? Maybe life moved too fast for me.

I placed my hands on my belly and looked down. I opened my eyes again. You have lost so much these past few years, the therapist would say. I sniffled as I remembered my days at the hospital, and what I lost. My personal loss.

A gentle knock on the door brought me back. "Talia?" One of the nurses smiled politely at me, I wondered if she saw I had gotten upset. "Your wife is here."

I nodded.

"Shall I bring her here?"

I looked at her. "Is that allowed?"

She looked at me for a bit before showing me a small smile. "It is now."

I nodded and understood. "I'd like that better, yes."

She nodded. "I'll be right back."

I nodded and watched her leave. Before Leah got here, I went back to my exercise to try to calm me down. And hopefully, this time, I would be able to look my wife in the eyes...