I'm Yours (Sequel to "You're mine")

Chapter 122: Scream for help

Talia's POV

I know I should be happy for Heather, my best friend. I know I should be getting out with her and looking at baby clothes or toys, or anything else for their little bundle of joy. I know I should be happy for Leah because she will be a godmother. I know I should be happy for everything I have in my life...

But I can't.

It's not that I don't want to be happy. I genuinely want to be happy with what I've got, with the people in my life. But I can't.

I don't want to be disrespectful to Heather. I don't want to be distant with Leah. I don't want to be unhappy in front of my kids.

But I can't stop it.

It's stronger than myself. It's bigger than my happiness and joy. It's bigger than me. So how do I stop it?

I can tell Leah wants me to talk about my choices, about what I hold Heather and Eva at such a distance. I try to explain it but I can't explain it. And when I try, the pain gets harder, more intense, and too much to handle. I don't want to feel that pain, I don't want to talk about that pain, I don't want that pain to exist. But it does.

How can Leah expect me to talk about a pain that's killing me inside? How does she expect me to express that voice inside me, constantly putting me down? How does she expect me to tell her I'm tired of this pain, of fighting, of... living...

So instead I say nothing. Because that way the pain is contained. It won't spread.

Or so I thought...

Leah was out, celebrating with Charlotte and Heather, and Eva. About their child. I want to be happy but I can't.

Leah barely said goodbye to me. But I understand. She's done with me. She must hate me. She must have had enough of my behavior. I understand...

I tried to stay positive, to keep up a smile for the boys. We had dinner and it was nice. They did the talking, thankfully. But they soon had to go to bed. And I was left alone... Again... With these thoughts... With this pain... No one to help me, to support me, to stop me.

I went to our bedroom. I figured if I sleep, I could escape the pain, just for a moment. But the voice won't let me. It's here, nagging me, putting me down, insulting me, hurting me...

I got up and went to the bathroom. I took away the towels out of the drawer and saw a box, my box. I took it out of the drawer and looked at it for a while. I gulped as I knew its contents.

I sat down on the ground and cried. Again that voice... Stop. Make it stop, please. Please...

But it wouldn't stop. It never stops. I looked at the box and opened it. I took out the razor and let out a breath.

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Leah's POV

I blinked a few times as I was waiting for the water to heat up. I looked outside, at the garden. Anything to keep my mind off the problems would do.

The water was done and I poured it into my cup. I let it sit for a while, so I'd have nice tea. I sighed as I waited. What was I going to do? What was I supposed to do? If this got out... Could we lose our boys?

I looked up as I got a text. I looked at it before getting up and walking to the front door. "Hi," I said as I opened the door. "Come in."

They all got inside and looked around, as if they had hoped to see T. 

"Where is she?" Heather asked, clearly referring to T.

I sighed. "Upstairs."

"Is that safe?" She immediately asked. We both got upset at that question.

"I hope so." I motioned them to follow me to the kitchen. We went to sit down at the dining table. 

Charlotte immediately reached for my hand and held it in hers. She was always the one to support through physical contact. "How are you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know," I looked away briefly before looking at them. "What do I do now?" I asked them but didn't wait for their response: "How do we move on again? I thought everything was alright. How..." I looked away as I stopped mid-sentence. I was just lost for words and, at the same time, I had so much to say and ask. I just didn't get it. I was angry and upset at the same time. I wanted to shout at T, but also hug her and comfort her. I wanted to hate her for what she did, but I couldn't because I love her.

"I think it's important Talia feels supported right now," Mary said, gaining a nod from everyone else. "It's clear she feels unhappy about something."

"But I don't get what!" I said, my voice raised a bit.

Heather motioned me to calm down. "I understand it's frustrating," She started. "You must have so many questions for her but you can't ask her."

I nodded.

"I don't think she's unhappy about something," She went on, gaining all our attention. "People who harm themselves usually do that because they don't see a way out."

My frown softly vanished as I heard that.

"A way out of what?" Mary asked.

Heather gulped before looking at me. "I think Talia is deeply unhappy, I don't think anything contributed to that," She paused for a bit, seemingly thinking about her words. "But I do think she's in pain."

As we all looked at her, I could tell how we were all impressed by her words. She sounded so wise.

"And what do you suggest we do?" Charlotte asked.

Heather seemed to think about that question for a while. She looked around a bit before setting her eyes on me. "The most important thing for her now is support," She said, and I sighed. "And I don't mean that you have to babysit her," She paused. "You should act normal, be around her, and make sure she can come to you when she feels that pain."

"What about us?" Mary asked.

"We do the same thing," Heather replied before looking back at me. "Talia is in pain but she can't express it other than harming herself."

"She could've just talked to me."

"She did," Heather said. "She shouted loud and clear."

I gulped and looked down.

"We have to make sure her scream wasn't in vain," She said and nodded at me. "We have to wait and listen."

I gulped again but nodded.