Collection of Destiel

Always Beautiful to Me

"I can't do this." An explosion of coursing anxiety seized up Castiel's chest until he found himself gulping for air as if he was sinking to the bottom of the ocean. A million thoughts crammed into his conscience until he could only see blurred darkness before him.

"Woah, calm down." A deep voice was breaking through the distorted euphoria.

All at once it was like he was falling from the sky and landing in a comfortable bed lined with fresh smelling sheets. The nerves were gone from his head but still plagued his body. Nothing moved. It was as if any movement would freeze his heart. When his eyes opened again he saw terrified green eyes searching his.

"Cas? Sweetheart? Please answer me. You're scaring me." Dean was gripping tightly to the contours of Cas' face with a deathly grip. "Please, Cas. Please say something."

"Dean?" The word came from his lips but he didn't realize he had even spoken.

Dean exhaled deeply as some of the worry washed from his features. "Cas, what is wrong?"

"I can't-I can't do this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-"

"Shh." Dean shifted off of Castiel and snuggled against his side with nothing but concern pillowing his eyes. "Don't apologize. If you don't want to we don't have to. It's okay. Jesus, you scared me so bad. I'm sorry that I did this to you-"

"You didn't do anything." Cas' eyes fell. If he looked at those pure eyes another moment he felt like he would throw up. His stomach twisted into knots at the thought of losing Dean over this. But he had to say it now and hope Dean would understand. He had to have faith that Dean wouldn't leave him. "I don't... I don't want sex."

"Okay, we can just cuddle-"

"Ever." Castiel closed his eyes as if that would keep him safe from the rejection that was no doubt written in the lines of Dean's face. "I'm asexual. I thought... I thought that because I love you that I could do it but I can't. I'm sorry that I roped you into this and I can't give you sex. I understand if you break-"

"Break up with you?" Dean's voice filled to the brim with a calm anger that made Cas' cower in on himself. Dean's hands clung tighter to his face and warm breath fell across his forehead. "I love you, dumbass. I love you. Not you between the sheets. I love the you that will send my ass to bed because you want me to get rest for work the next day. I love the you that knitted me a sweater. I love the you that calls my mother 'mom' now. I love you, Castiel, and if sex is out the window then so be it. I'd rather just cuddle against you in the night than lose you. I'd never break up with you because of who you are. I love every part of you. You're ace? Awesome. And you know why that's awesome? Because it's you. It's not some fake 'you' that you try to sell to someone on the street or over social media. It's the real you and I love you for showing me that side of you."

Tears poured from Castiel's closed eyes as he found himself melting more and more against his boyfriend with every passing word. Snot started to settled on his upper lip but he couldn't find the strength to unwrap his arms from around Dean. Silence fell on them as Dean made soft hums against Cas' hair and trailed his fingernails along Cas' arms.

"I love you, Castiel. I never want to ever hurt you. I'd rather burn in eternal hellfire than hurt you. I'd never do anything to you that you wouldn't want me to do. So if I ever cross a line you tell me. You stop me and tell me flat out. Cause you are too precious to me for me to hurt you. Promise me that."

"I promise." The words choked from Cas' throat as he turned and buried his face against Dean's chest. Since he hit puberty life had been cruel. No one who knew about his sexuality had ever treated him like an equal person except his brother Gabriel. It's why he never told anyone else. Until Dean. "I love you."

Dean's hold on him tightened. "You know, we are going to be such an awesome couple. The bi mechanic and the ace school teacher. We should sell the rights to our story to a movie producers."

Castiel couldn't help but chuckle through the soft sobs. "Who would play me?"

"Honestly... I don't know. They definitely couldn't find someone who could play you well. You're too perfect for anyone to come close to."

Castiel pulled back his head and stared up into loving eyes with a lighthearted smile. "How can you do that?"

"What?" Dean asked as he carefully wiped some of the tear trails from Cas' face with the pad of his thumb.

"How can you say something so beautiful to me after I told you that if you want to be with me I cant offer you sex? I thought... I thought you would hate me."

Dean locked eyes with Castiel and made sure that his seriousness wasn't misunderstood. "Because you are beautiful to me. You always will be. Nothing will change that, especially not something like sex. Dammit, Cas... I wish I could make you understand that you are worth so much more to me than a rustle in the sheets. You're... you're my world."

Castiel stared back and suddenly his anxiety receded from his chest. The next moment he leaned in to press his lips against Dean in hopes of saying all the things he wanted to say without using words. As the two of them laid together that night Castiel closed his eyes with the knowledge that Dean loved him, all of him.

And Dean would spend the rest of their lives showing Castiel that he is worth so much more than sex.