Collection of Destiel

Guardian Angel

Prompt from anon: Either dean has a panic attack and castiel comforts him through it or dean self harms and cas finds out and helps him. With crying dean and maybe a love confession?

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Sam was gone. Not gone to the grocery store or gone for a run, simply gone. Their last argument had been a bitter one and left both brothers alone and crying. But now, a week later Dean was still in that same motel room alone. He almost wished Sam went to hell, at least then he would know where he was and he would have a better shot of saving him. The only thing left inside of himself was an aching loneliness that only intensified with every passing hour.

Dean couldn’t take any more of it. This uncontrollable urge inside of himself to rip at his flesh and pound his fist into the wall. Nightmares were the least of his worries, it was the knowledge of Sam leaving him behind that kept him up at night. Even the hunts didn’t seem worth it. Dean’s job was to save people but he couldn’t even save his brother from himself.

The empty bottle of whiskey in his hand slowly slipped through his fingers and landed on the carpet. Dean kept his eyes closed as the fire burned in his nostrils and throat. The burn was better than the aching numbness inside of him. No sort of relief could penetrate his mind as he tried to swallow what was left in his mouth. The only thing left in Dean’s mind was the look of disappointment on his brother’s face before he stormed out.

Sammy was always the only person Dean strived to impress. Throughout his entire life Sam was the only one who Dean ever truly loved with every piece of his being. His brother was the most important thing in the world, the last thing holding him to down, and now Dean couldn’t think of a reason to keep going. Maybe it was the liquor, or the stress of all this shit happening in the supernatural world, mixed with Sam’s leaving but Dean felt an immense urge to let it all go. All he wanted more than anything was for it all to go away. Every last thought and feeling inside of him was slowly ripping him apart.

Searching desperately for release, Dean let himself fall off the couch and slump unto the floor. Four bottles of alcohol were setting around him as he tried his hardest to get on his feet. When he was standing a little shakily, he trudged over to the nightstand and let himself grab hold of his bag. His mind was still reeling with fogginess as he clutched the handle of his knife.

Before Dean really knew what was happening, he was standing in the bathroom with his arm outstretched and turned palm up. The veins running along his arm made him lick his lips as he closed his eyes and dug the quivering knife down into the flesh right below his wrist. The pain was secondary, all he felt was this calmness that came over his thundering chest. His hand didn’t falter as he dug it deeper and slowly ripped his skin up his clenched arm. Fluttering eyelids opened as he peered down and saw the crimson red slipping out of him and running down over his arm into the sink. The red was what he needed to see, he needed to see that he was human and that it would all be over soon.

“Dean.” A harsh voice broke out inside the silent bathroom.

Dean sighed deeply but felt his knees buckle as he collapsed onto the cool tile and dropped the knife at his side. The pain in his arm was now replacing all the thoughts that once disgustingly laced his mind. Relief only lightly started to sooth his muscles.

“What did you do?” Soon the angel was kneeling in front of Dean and staring at his arm intently with a look of profound sadness.

“I don’t want any more, Cas. I am giving up. I can’t do this. I can’t live anymore.” Dean’s voice cracked and spurted as he set his back against the cabinet and let the warm liquid flood over his legs and chest. The warmness was almost comforting.