Collection of Destiel

A Fallen Angel's List

There weren't many things Castiel understood about being human. Over time he had written himself a list of things that made humans human, but that he didn't hadn't quite experienced yet. It was a check list of sorts, maybe bordering more along the lines of a warning. Emotions were chaotic in his mind and when he found himself overcome with them, he would look at his list and seeing the words written by his own hand seemed to calm him.

The first item on his list was 'happiness'. Looking at the list now, he smiles when he sees the date beside it. He can remember the exact moment he first felt the warmth of happiness reaching his entire skin. It felt as though the sun was wrapping itself around him and warming him to his very soul.

"Dude, I swear to God, if you so much as-" Dean's voice had been a growl as he seethed from his barstool.

"Calm down." Sam retorted back with a bitch face. "I'm not going to-"

"Then why would you even bring it up?" The older hunter had glared down at his beer with a sour aura that made Cas almost choke. "You want to go find a normal life? Fine. If me and Cas aren't enough for you then pack up your bags and hit the road. If we really drag you down-"

"If you would've listened to me," Sam spit out in agitation, "instead of just defaulting to your stupid self-doubt shit, then you would've heard that I said that I want for all of us to have normal lives. Everything is over, Dean, the world is safe.... At least from an apocalypse. I think it's time we settled down. We deserve it."

At that, Dean had paused. Castiel had watched in silence from his place beside the hunter. His blue eyes searched Dean's face, trying to understand the explosion of emotion flickering across his face. Only a couple minutes passed but to Castiel, who was lost in Dean's expression, it felt like decades.

Finally Dean turned his younger brother with an almost boyish serenity flooding the mask that he wore when facing the world. "You want us to have a normal life?"

Sam only nodded, seemingly awestruck by the carefree expression on the other man's face.

Castiel was about to comment that he was only a human for a few weeks now and he didn't know if he would be able to have a 'normal life', but his sentence was cut off when Dean slung an arm over his shoulders and pressed his lips to his forehead. The fallen angel had been speechless but he melted nonetheless into the hunter's side.

"Me an' Cas here are gonna get a house. In the suburbs!"

Sam and Cas had thought Dean had simply proclaimed that in a drunken state, but they were pleasantly surprised when the next day Dean was talking over the phone to a real estate agent.

The day Castiel first step foot into his new house, with Dean Winchester's hand in his, he understood what happiness was. It was having been through the worst that the world has to offer, and yet still finding hope to smile toward a future.

The second item on his list was 'heartbreak'. Castiel frowns at this word, the memory of his first heartbreak aching inside of his ribcage. The date beside it still haunts his dreams some nights, as if it was an entity still chasing to grasp him when he thought he was finally rid of it.

"I love you, Dean." Cas' voice was soft, frail in an effort to almost plea that the other man would soften the blow of rejection. "And if you want me to leave-"

"You're such an asshole, you know that?" Dean screeched as he closed his hands into fists and punched a couple times at the wall behind him. When he stopped punching, he laid his head against the wall and simply breathing shallowly.

That was the moment the entire world crashed down around the fallen angel. If he was still an angel, he would've gazed down to see if his wings were ashes at his feet. Tears prickled at his eyes and this physical knot started to expand in his chest until he felt as though it would erupt through his throat. The burning of salty tears was only a minor annoyance in relation to the now broken feeling inside of his heart. Never before had he understood what it meant for a heart to break without having a heart attack, but now he understood. It was as though pieces of his heart were now scattered across their bedroom floor.

"I'm-" Cas had wanted to say 'I'm sorry' but the sobs started to make his tongue feel like lead.

Green eyes flashed to meet his, and even through the tears Castiel could see the glistening tears that mirrored his own. "You seriously think I'd want you to leave? You're fucking everything, Cas. For fuck's sake! I love you, too, dumbass. I have loved you-"

Castiel closed the distance and tasted the rest of the words on Dean's tongue. It was the only moment he ever truly feared that Dean would've love him back. It was the first heartbreak of his life, and by far the greatest.

The third thing on his list was 'pride'. Even as a warrior he wasn't able to feel pride over his conquests, being an angel made it that completing a mission was nothing to be proud of it was simply doing one's job. But as Castiel smiles down at the date beside this particular feeling, he can't help but feel a tear run down his cheek and catch in his dimple.

"Dad!" A young girl's voice shrilly echoed through the Winchester household.

Castiel, just setting down his suitcase, entered their living room to find his husband and daughter curled up on the couch with an animated musical on TV. The fallen angel couldn't help but beam down at the little girl who had wedged herself so deeply in his affection.

The moment he sat down beside them his breath was taken as his daughter all but jumped onto his lap. Her smile radiated all the compassion and hope Castiel ever desired to see in the world. With a light heart, he wrapped his arms around her and prayed that he'd never go a day without feeling the weight of her life in his arms.

"Guess what, Dad!" Grace's eyes widened as she practically squirmed with excitement.

Castiel mirrored her gooey smile. "What, sweetie?"

"I got all As on my report card and my teacher said they are thinking of letting me skip a grade!"

It was as if his wings were still carrying him through the atmosphere. He gazed upon this human, this small person who he fed and tutored and tucked in at night, and felt as if he was back in heaven standing under the red kite. His chest swelled with the purest air he had ever tasted.

The next item on Castiel's list didn't have a date yet. But that didn't matter, he knew that in time he would be able to place a moment with that feeling. Catching a glance at the clock, he folded his list and tucked it back into the Bible that he kept on his nightstand. With a sigh, as if letting go of the weight from those memories, he slipped under the covers and turned on his side to see his husband was on his own side staring at him.

"What's the next one?" Dean asked with a husky sleepy tone.

Castiel smiled softly, leaned over to place a soft kiss against Dean's lips, before laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. "The next item on my list is 'peace'."

Dean remained silent, his brain churning as he cuddled up against Cas' side. As he rested his cheek over his husband's heart, Dean smiled. "I bet it's the day the rugrat gets big and moves out."

Castiel frowned. "No, having Grace away from me will not bring me peace. In fact, it will be more heartbreak."

Dean gripped tighter to his husband, knowing the date that on Cas' list beside 'heartbreak' and making sure he made up for that with every day that passed. "You'll find peace, Cas. I know I find it every time I see your smile."

Castiel did in fact find peace. He found it the day his daughter announced she was having a baby of her own, when he realized that himself and Dean would live on through their children's children for generations.