Collection of Destiel

Letters That Broke Them

"Dear Castiel,

"I know that a letter seems a little weird when all I have to do is pull up your number on my phone and send you a quick text or call. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to write you this letter so you could see the way my hand will shake the pen as I write what I have never said to you before.

"It's been three years since we met. Four years ago my life was a mess. I had hit so low I felt like I was drowning in hell. It was your saving grace that rescued me from it. No matter how rude I came off of at first you always cared for me. I used to think that I didn't need anyone, that I was strong enough to live on my own, but that night you made me coffee and held me while I cried I realized that I needed you.

"I miss you a lot. I know that you are doing all that you possibly can to help your family. I wish you didn't have to be on the other side of the country from me and our bed. I always admired your caring nature for others but this time I can't help but feel jealous. I know that your family is important... but I wish I was important as well.

"Last night I almost fell off the wagon. Your number was lit up under my thumb and for the first time in years I couldn't call you. I didn't want you to fly back here out of some sort of guilt. I didn't want you to leave your family. But at the same time I needed you just as much as I needed you back when you found me passed out in the alley.

"I ended up calling Sam. I didn't drink. I'm fine.

"I can't do this anymore, Cas. You told me you'd be out there for three months at tops and now it's almost a year. I don't want you to think that this is me blaming you for being out there. It's me needing to have someone here. I need to have someone here to lean on before I fall again. I can't keep waiting for the day when you will show back up on our doorstep.

"I talked to Sam about moving into his apartment in California. His lease is just about up and he wants to move in with his girlfriend Jess. I figured I would pack up and go. I'll make sure the rent is still paid so you have some place to come back to, if you ever planned on coming back here in the first place.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't have been stronger. I'm sorry for the tear stains on the letter. And I'm sorry that I had to do this like this. But this isn't something I could do over text and I don't know if I would've been able to if I could hear you try to talk me out of it, if you would try to talk me out of it.

"Maybe you met someone out there, or you want to stay close to your family now. Whatever the reason you are out there, I hope you find happiness. You're the best man I've ever known and I know that you will get the happiness you deserve. Promise me you will be okay, alright?

"I love you... and maybe someday I will be able to let you go for good.

"Dean."

Castiel read the letter from his seat on the airplane. His mind was foggy with worry and sleep-deprivation. The moment he received the letter, read the poison contents, he was jumping on the next available flight to Kansas. So many thoughts were blaring in his mind as he tried to sit still on the plane.

"Hey, do you mind if I trade you for the window seat?" A woman's voice brought Cas out of his anxious fright.

"Sure." He nodded before quickly shuffling around until they were in each other's seats.

"Thank you." Her voice was pleasant like she was excited over the prospect of seeing the sky from this distance. "Where you headed?"

"Home." Cas scrunched up his eyes at the headache and tears about to wreck his body.