Burning A Hole in my Pocket

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Prompt from anon: dean madly in love w his boyfriend. he's been holding a ring in his back pocket for some time now.

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There wasn’t a lot of things I was certain of, but when Castiel looked at me the way he was looking at me this moment, I can say that I know he loves me. When his eyes do that odd like thing where they squint and then crinkle as if he is debating in his head what I am thinking about, like he wants to read my mind. I know that I should be more vocal about my feelings, I know that I should do more grand gestures just to show him how much he really means to me, but I’m just not that kind of guy.

“Dean.” Castiel’s eyes drop to the ice cream cone in my hand. “Your ice cream is melting.”

I glance down to see that he was right, but I was so lost in his eyes that I didn’t really seem to care about anything that was happening in the world. There could be a thunderstorm above us, as we sit outside an ice cream shop, but I still wouldn’t bring myself to move from my view of Castiel. My eyes meet his again just as he chomps on the last of his cone. I love the way he smiles when he enjoys something, like it is the first time he ever experienced joy. Everything is always new when I am with him. Like all my past memories are so faded because this moment is worth more than anything else. I want to open my mouth and tell him this, but instead I hold out my cone toward him.

“I am not that hungry, Cas. You go ahead and finish it for me.”

“You sure?” But before I have the chance to answer his hand is already grabbing the cone from my hand and pulling it to his mouth.

I sit in silence and just watch him. I watch as a drop of the chocolate falls and lands just shy of his shirt. I watch as he hums and cranes his neck to see the clouds rolling by on such a gorgeous day. I wish I could enjoy things like he did, but all I can muster is to find the joy in watching him. I never wanted to stop seeing the world through his face. Everything was so bright.

My hand reached back in my pocket as I felt the warm box. After out third date I bought the ring, which I think most people would roll their eyes at. They would all laugh at me and call me crazy. But I don’t think they know just how much Castiel means to me. I don’t think they will ever understand that my life had always been a groggy nightmare that finally turned vibrant the moment Castiel walked in. No, I don’t care what people think, I bought the ring after the third date because that was the day that my heart started to beat again.

“You know, Dean, sometimes I think that I can see a dog in the clouds.” Cas muttered as he continued to lick absently at the ice cream. I watched the way the wind silently brushed his messy hair across his forehead.

In response to his thought, I reached out and ran a couple of my fingers through his hair gently. He hummed toward me before continuing to stare at the sky. He was used to this. I was never good with words, so when I wanted to say something I just touched him. mostly I combed his hair, or a traced my fingers along his face. Words were never enough for me, but touch… that was intimacy.

“I wish I could fly, Dean. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Cas glanced down at me with his warm blue eyes and licked another strip from the ice cream.

This was the moment, I decided. As I stared into his loving eyes and felt the way he could put my whole soul at peace. The box was wrapped in my hand as I brought it forward and set it on my thigh. Castiel glanced down at it and tilted his head with squinted eyes.

“What’s-“

“Flying is nice, Cas.” I willed myself to finally say the things I always wanted to. “And so is ice cream. Sometimes the sky is beautiful. I don’t really care about any of those things. I mean, I guess I do, because I love the way you love them. I never gave the world a chance to be beautiful before I met you. I never… I never thought things could be so meaningful and worthwhile. It’s you that makes everything so perfect. You are the one thing that I love in this world. For a year now I have had this ring, Cas. I have been carrying the question in the back of my head. I don’t know if you would say yes, but I knew that I couldn’t imagine a world where you said no.”

Tears sprouted in Cas’ eyes as he dropped the ice cream on the ground. His hand reached out shakily toward the box. I took in a deep breath and pushed forward, he hadn’t told me to stop yet.

“I bought it after I dropped you off from the day at the zoo. You held my hand the entire day and never shut up for a moment about all the amazing facts about animals. I was in awe of you, a grown man getting so excited over a trip to the zoo. You made me smile for the first time in years. I learned so much from you, I learned how to live. Maybe I am rushing things, with this ring… but I don’t think I am. I love you, Cas. I have loved you for longer than I would ever admit. The only thing I think worth more than being your boyfriend, is being your husband.”

I felt Cas’ hand wrap around mine overtop the box. Sucking in a deep breath, I felt a single tear cool over my cheek. I knew that I wasn’t good with words, I knew that I hadn’t said enough, but the way Castiel was smiling made my whole body puddle.

“Will you marry me, Cas?” Everything seemed to stop.

Cas’ brilliant blue eyes flicked up and met mine. With a goofy smile that made my own lips curl up, he sprung forward and wrapped his arms securely around my neck. Our chests beat against each other and I felt so at home. I breathed in his hair and wrapped my own arms around his waist before I could think twice. This was all I ever wanted, he was all I ever needed.

“Yes, Dean.” His breath brushed down my neck. “I love you so much. I thought you would never ask.”

I simply smiled and closed my eyes against the warm breeze as I held the entire world in my arms. “You haven’t even seen the ring yet.”

“I don’t care if it is a giant bolt, Dean. As long as I get to be wed to you, I could care less what the ring looks like.”

“And to think, I carried the dumb thing around for a year and you don’t even care for it.” I snorted but understood what Cas meant. It made my chest constrict and breathing come a little harsher. He really loved me, who would’ve thought?

“To tell you the truth, if you would’ve proposed after the third date, chances are I would’ve said yes.” Cas giggled against me and pulled me tighter.

Maybe I didn’t have a way with words, but if I could make Cas giggle and feel like he was loved, then I couldn’t care less. Even if he wanted a big church wedding with a dress and bridesmaids, I would give it to him. I would give him the world if I could. Even if I never vocalized it, he knew. And maybe that was part of the reason why I loved him so fucking much.

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