Collection of Destiel

Falling (SO MUCH ANGST I'M SORRY)

"You've come this far, Cas, you really think you can turn your back on him and leave?" Anna's voice came through the phone laced in static, concern, and doubt. "I know that it hasn't been the easiest but you love him-"

"He doesn't love me." Castiel closed his eyes to the sight of his boyfriend's clothes still littering his room. He remembers not-so-long ago when he made jokes with Dean about how it looked as if he was moving in. "He said so."

His older sister sighed deeply and seemed to think to herself in the radio silence. "You love him. I know you do. You've fallen for him so hard, Cas, I don't think you realize it. You need to go after him-"

"I'm tired. I will talk to you later." He didn't even wait for her reply before he threw his phone. He marveled in the sound it make as it collided with the wall and shattered into a million pieces. Those pieces scattered amongst his floor where they crashed on the hardwood. Staring at those pieces he saw shards of his own soul lying around them.

~

The water hit him before he even had a grasp for the feeling of falling. As he was immersed in the chlorine soaked water he felt a small hand wrap around his wrist. Even under the water he could hear children's laughter and it caused his lips to curl. The hand left his wrist and he allowed himself to sink to the bottom of the pool. Sinking was the reason he adored swimming. He loved the feeling of letting the water sooth over him and drop him until his ears started to ring.

When his feet touched the bottom he cherished one more second of this depth before planting his feet and shooting up toward the world and the air. Just as his head broke the surface he heard his niece's laughter.

"Uncle Cas! I thought you drowned!" Little Mary swam over to him with a large grin. "I'm so happy you didn't!"

As Cas was wiping the water from his eyes he could hear Sam's belly-deep laughter. "Mary, why don't you come get dried off? It's getting late and you need a shower."

She made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat but Cas watched as she swam in her floaties over to the side where Sam bent and scooped her out of the water. He watched from his place in the deep end as Sam wrangled Mark, Bobby, and Jesse as well to get them inside. Jess gave him a warm smile before shuffling off after her husband and children.

Closing his eyes, Cas leaned back and allowed himself to float. He could feel the air on his kneecaps and toes. A million thoughts raced through his head. He remembers the days when he and Dean would come swim with the kids, when he and Dean would laugh and play chicken and pretend like the world would never be a sour taste in the back of their mouth.

Cas' eyes snapped open when he heard someone clear their throat. Peering up he saw Sam standing by the edge of the pool with a far-off look in his eye. "Dean called. Said he's in Iowa."

And just like that, Cas was no longer floating or falling, he found himself almost drowning as he caught himself and swam over to the side to hold on to the ground. Iowa. "What's he-no. Don't tell me. I shouldn't ask." Climbing out, Cas used all his strength to leave the world where he could simply float to n a world where gravity constantly weighed on him until he thought he would suffocate.

"Dude, you should call-"

"I will see you soon, Sam." Cas grabbed his towel but didn't dry off as he gathered his clothes and shoes and fled. As he was climbing into his car, he looked at his rearview mirror and again felt the sensations of crashing so hard against the ground every bone in his body was nothing but soup.

~

"I'm worried about you." Meg poked at Cas' shoulder as the two of them sat idly in one of their customary coffee shops. "You look like actual festering shit."