Collection of Destiel

He is My Wings

Dean finds himself like he does most days now. Seated in a quaint coffee shop with Castiel sipping at a hot chocolate across from him. Some days, when they frequent this certain coffee shop, Dean imagines that it is a date. Sometimes he allows himself to look smug at the awestruck faces of some teenage girls who whisper quietly to themselves about the handsome two men sharing a coffee date. Sometimes he lets the music (though not rock n roll, more like the 'hipster' stuff that Cas has come to love) ease his mind from the last hunt. He lets it all go, all the weight on his shoulders, the screams of people he needs to save, the impending argument with Sam, and all the other day to day shit that he piles to high on his plate. Sometimes, it is just nice to enjoy a quiet moment with the newly human and very settling Cas.

They found the coffee shop after a very trying hunt, one where Cas almost got himself killed. The fallen angel begged for something warm to drink, something to calm down his insides, and so Dean took him to the first place that held a sign for coffee. They found out that day that Cas did not in fact like coffee, as he spat it out all over the table with the cutest disgruntled face Dean had ever seen, and opted to order a hot chocolate (with extra marshmellows that Dean swears didn't make his own heart melt).

It became a ritual after that. Neither one quite knew which one needed it more. Dean allowed himself to look forward to the coffee shop after a hunt, like he was driven to kill the monster quicker so he could come here and sit. This place was so unlike anything else, because it held no reminder to the nightmares under his own bed. Castiel seemed content, he would hum to songs and smile at the artwork littering the walls. Sometimes they didn't even speak the entire time, and although Dean worried it would be awkward, it never was.

Dean took a long sip of his black house blend coffee and eyed over the way the dimmed lighting hit Castiel's eyes and seemed to reflect more than humanly possible this feeling of safety. Dean marveled in the way that Cas clutched his mug and tapped his foot under the table almost too lightly to hear. And Dean absolutely let himself fall into the trance of basking in the way that the hard lines of Cas' face turned soft and almost innocent.

Even if he knew that God wasn't listening, Dean thanked him for sending him this angel.

"Dean?" Cas broke the silence with a small voice as his eyes cast downward toward the table that separated them.

"Yeah?"

"I-" The fallen angel paused. His eyebrows burrowed together as if he was trying to figure out the best way to articulate whatever was running through his mind. "I used to... miss flying."

Dean waited patiently for him to keep going, maybe add on to the single sentence, but when the silence wore on he simply leaned a little farther in his seat and kept his eyes dutifully on Cas' slowly falling face. "Used to?"

Cas' head nodded slowly as his hands started to fidget around the mug. "Yes. I used to miss it. I loved the feeling of flying. I loved my wings, they were gorgeous, Dean. I loved them so much. And when I lost them... I thought I was losing a part of myself. A part I never thought I would get back. They were the only thing that made me not worthless."

A clash sounded in the distance but neither seemed to deter from where they sat like statues. Dean felt a lump in the back of his throat. They never spoke of Cas' wings, never spoke of his missing Grace, and they definitely never spoke of anything this serious in the small haven of the coffee shop.

"You know that you don't need wings, Cas. I mean-uh-you're great just like this. Hell, I kind of prefer you now." Dean tried not to let his voice crack, or allow the tears to rise in his eyes as he thought about how much he truly loved being with human Cas.

This got Cas to raise his head. Their eyes met and Dean felt sick to his stomach. There was pain behind that deafening blue, an untold misery that broke apart Dean's very mind. He knew in that moment, with the hipster music above their heads and the barista loudly clanking levers and the college students chatting about classes, that Castiel was afraid he wasn't good enough.

"Listen to me, Cas, and listen good." Dean paused and waited until Cas bobbed his head slightly, their eyes never wavering from each other's. "You are awesome, okay? You said that a piece of you was gone with the wings, and I get that. I get it completely. But I think you don't realize all the pieces you got when you fell. Like when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is come out and make sure we are okay. Like when you ride shotgun with me and point out all the landmarks that we pass. Like when you think no one is looking and you smile at the simplest of things that I don't even see half the time.

"I know that is a shitty list of things you do now, but I like those things. I like those pieces of you that you got when you lost your grace. I like having you at home with us and I like knowing you can't run because every time you used to fly away from me I would worry until my stomach cramped. I like that you prefer hot chocolate. I like that you roll your eyes at my jokes and I like that you make your own now. I like that I get to teach you references, and I like how much you pay attention when I do. I like when you smile, Cas, cause I don't think you give your smile credit. You never used to smile that wide when you had your wings. If I had to choose between your wings and your smile, I would choose your smile every fucking time."

The coffee shop was completely silent. No more chatter or clunks from behind the counter. Dean realized all to suddenly that his voice had started to rise in his ramble and it carried throughout the coffee shop. But he didn't worry about it, he would be embarrassed later, all he could concentrate on now was the tears streaking down Cas' face. Maybe it was being here, away from everything that always jumbled with his mind, but Dean finally spoke the words that were so clear in his head.

"You're everything I have, Cas. You worry about your missing pieces... and I just want to tell you that you are my missing pieces. Youre my wings, Cas. You're what gets me through each day. These coffee shop visits, and our movie nights, and how you always find me out in the bunker and sit with me even if we don't speak. If I lost you, I would be in broken pieces. When I lost you, seems like a millions years ago now, but when I lost you I broke. I broke because you are everything that has ever held me together. Fuck your wings, Cas. You don't need them. You don't need them to make you something special or beautiful. They aren't you. They don't define your worth."

The rest of the words Dean thought he needed to say died in his throat the moment Castiel shoved his face in his hands and started to sob so loudly in echoed around them in the silence. His shoulders shook and his body rocked. Dean didn't know what to do, how to ease the pain, but he knew he could stand being so far away from Cas right this moment.

In a flash he was out of his seat and kneeling at Cas' side. His hands gripped tightly to the fallen angels shoulder and thigh. "Cas?"

Sniffles sounded quietly as Cas started to calm himself, leaning into the touch. "Dean."

"I love you, okay?" Dean lifted himself on his knee and pressed a soft kiss to Cas' hair. "I love you and you are perfect. I promise you, you are perfect just the way you are right now. Please don't cry."

Cas slumped off of his chair into Dean's chest with an "oomph" and buried himself deeply into the warmth of the hunter's chest. Dean fell back onto his haunches but wrapped his arms around Cas' back and held him tightly. He held him and rocked him and hummed sweet tones into Cas' ear.

A few "awe"s erupted in the coffee shop. Dean thinks maybe he heard a slow clap start to build. But it was white noise, all of it was nothing but static, as Cas lifted his head into Dean's neck and whispered so softly into Dean's skin.

"I love you, too, Dean." The fallen angel gripped tightly to the flannel covering Dean's chest like he was afraid at any moment Dean would push him away. "You're my new wings."

Dean couldn't help but smile as he ran his fingers through Cas' mop of hair and hugged him a little harder.

They still frequented the coffee shop after every hunt, they even went there some boring Friday nights just to sit and talk. Only this time they held hands, and exchanged chaste kisses in line. They took a booth now and sat almost on top of each other. They got looks, some of them glares and others jealous, but every time Dean just clung to Cas with pride. They never addressed each other as boyfriends or partners or anything along those lines, but when people would ask what they were, Cas would smile and squeeze Dean's hand in his and simply say, "He is my wings."