Collection of Destiel

Worthy

There were many words used to describe Dean Winchester: hotheaded, selfish, selfless, narcissistic, childish, strong, willful, broken, heroic, brave, frightened, boastful, humble, and the list could go on for pages. Ink could be wasted on the words that his friends, family, fellow hunters, complete strangers, and even monsters would use when asked about Dean Winchester. From person to person the words change format, they change intimacy.

No one truly can pinpoint a word that goes to Dean's core. No one knows him as well as they think they do, even Sam comes up blank when asked about his older brother. Dean likes it that way, because when you can find the perfect would to place someone then that means you truly know them and you can lose them. And when a person came along and muttered the word that truly struck Dean, it was then that he was truly terrified.

"Worthy."

The word had been spoken to a fellow hunter at a bar after a case was coming to a neat close. Sam, Dean, and Ed (the hunter who helped them on this certain case) all paused in their drinking as the word was uttered. It wasn't even that the bar was quiet, completely on the contrary in fact, but silence wore on between the four of them. Dean replayed the word, and that gravel tone that spoke it, over and over in his mind until his breath was catching hoarsely in the back of his throat.

Worthy.

"What do you mean, 'worthy'?" Ed broke the silence as he leaned against the bar with raised eyebrows.

"I do not think I could find the words to explain it to you." Castiel scrunched up his face in all forms of seriousness as his gaze fell on a splinter in the bar. "He is simply worthy."

There was that word again from those lips. Worthy.

Dean shuttered and tossed back the remaining liquid in his bottle before clanking it on the bar and standing up. He feared if he listened to any more of this his head might explode, or better yet he might start to believe Castiel and that word.

"I'm going to go-"

"Stay." Sam clapped his brother on the back, grinning downward as he scooted off his own stool and grabbed for Ed's shoulder. "We are going to leave you two alone. Talk." Without another word the two hunters left, leaving a vacant two stools between Dean and the man who he really couldn't face in this moment.

"I am sorry, if I offended you. I know that you do not like attention pointed at yourself." Castiel didn't raise his head. Instead he studied the bar harder. "He asked me what I thought of you, and that was my answer. I didn't find that I needed to lie."

Dean sighed out deeply before rolling his eyes at himself and the situation. Without much debate, he plopped down on the stool to Castiel's left and signaled the bartender for another beer. They sat in some silence as Dean grabbed his fresh beer and put a dent in it. Castiel sipped at his but seemed too deep in thought to pay attention to his drink.

"What did you mean, Cas?"

"Hm?"

Dean sighed and wiped a hand over his face. He could tell already that this was heading toward a chick-flick moment, but his curiosity was burning a hole in his gut. "What did you mean by 'worthy'?"

"I told-"

"Worthy of what?"

"Everything." Cas answered as if it was the most obvious statement. "You, Dean Winchester, are worthy of much more that you give yourself credit for."

"Yeah?" But Dean's voice dropped in disbelief. He rubbed at the back of his neck and tried desperately to keep the blush from his face, but tried even more desperately to believe what Castiel was saying.

"Yes. I do not understand why you do not believe it. You are a hero, Dean. A man carved by God to save the world, and you have. Countless times, in fact. I have watched over you since I raised you from perdition, I have been a guardian over you even when you think I am not. I have watched over many souls during my time as an angel, but yours is by far the most brilliant. It pains me to think you can't see that. When Ed asked me what I thought of you, I didn't think there was much I could say that he could understand. I could have talked to him for hours, but I don't think he would have been any closer to understanding. You are worthy, Dean. A sparkling soul that even through years of torture, selfloathing, drinking, and dying has never dimmed."

Dean felt tears prickle at his eyes, something he blamed on the alcohol even though he knew that he wasn't anywhere near drunk enough to handle this conversation. He remained quiet as Castiel seemed to breathe beside him. He thought of everything that they had been through, everything that should have broken two people apart, but in the end they were always searching for the other. Always too scared to let the other go.

"I-"

"You don't need to hide, Dean. You don't need to scurry off like you do when Sam mentions his feelings toward you. You don't need to cower from words of praise. I wish you could see, just how worthy of praise you are. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, see your soul for what it truly is, because maybe... maybe then you would understand why I have always chosen you. Why you are set apart from everything this, why you are the only thing in this dimly lit world that is worth saving. I understand that you won't believe me, and I know you will come up with some reason tomorrow to discredit everything I have said, but could you please humor me for one moment." Castiel took a long drink from his beer. "Could you please think you are worthy?"

Dean debated just leaving the bar, turning his back on the angel or cursing him out for everything he said. He tried so hard not to let the choked sobs erupt through his chest. He clung to a weakening resolve. "I...uh-if you say so, Cas." What a shitty thing to follow up with, but Dean couldn't make the words he really wanted to say come out.

Cas sighed and motioned to the bartender for another drink, still keeping his face masked from Dean's. "You are stubborn, Dean."

"Yeah."

"And childish."

"Mhm."

"Inconsolable."

"Ok."

"Infuriating."

"I know."

"But you are perfect." This time Castiel turned his face and met Dean's eyes with a look that almost sent the hunter flailing back. "And worthy. And much more than anyone I have ever met. Whether you see it or not, whether you will break down this barrier you have set up around yourself, you are. I don't know how many more times I will say it. In fact, I will never say it again because it is too hard for me to see you deny it."

"Please, don't." Dean rasped out as his eyes clung to Cas' desperately, silently asking a question he wasn't sure he was willing to admit. But as the seconds passed by, and Castiel kept his rapt attention on Dean, he found the courage. "Don't stop saying it, Cas. Cause... maybe I don't believe it when other people say it... but I believe it when you do."

Castiel smiled and nodded slightly. "Okay, Dean."

"Thanks."

"Anything for you, Dean." Castiel discarded his untouched beer and stood from the bar, motioning for Dean to follow. "I think it wise you get to bed, tomorrow is sure to be a long day."

Dean stood, but didn't make a move to leave just yet. Instead he reached forward and grabbed hold of Cas' shoulder. "Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Uh-" Dean swallowed deeply and stepped closer to the angel, and before he knew what he was doing they found themselves in a crushing hug. "Thank you."

Castiel clung desperately to him. The words he spoke next were nothing above a whisper, almost too silent for Dean to think he heard them, but deep in his gut he knew he did.

"I love you, Dean."