Hobbit and Lord of the Rings oneshots, Book 1

I Touched the Butt...(Fili)

Get it? ...cuz it's..it's a Finding Nemo reference...never mind

EleanorLearn , this is for you girlie! Thanks so much for making me laugh!😂😂 I'll try my hardest to make this funny for you all!!

I included a Fili and Kili pic collage, but you can just use the Fili half

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

Finally, after four months of rushed courting and another month of wedding preparations, you were married to your Prince. Fili and you were now bound in the vows of holy matrimony, and nothing could have made you happier.

But, Fili was the heir to the throne of Erebor, and with a title like that, he had many responsibilities. Which meant meetings to attend, plans and treaties to discuss, and people to talk to.

Luckily for you, when he would speak with officials and people of the like, he would not do it behind closed doors. He preferred to walk with them through the halls of Erebor as he spoke and negotiated with them. This meant you could see him more than just at night. And that meant you could cause some...mischief...

Fili was taking a representative of the newly rebuilt Dale for a walk through Erebor while they discussed matters of trade, and you were stalking them from a few yards behind them. You smirked as you decided now was the best time to make your move, as Fili had spoken up, voicing his opinion.

You briskly walked up behind them and moved past Fili, but not before pinching his behind through his thick dwarven clothing.

You could just barely contain your explosion of laughter as you heard Fili splutter and abruptly stop talking. You assumed the representative had figured out what had happened, since he began to laugh, which sent you off laughing once you turned the corner. Fili would not be too happy about that.

But he didn't really have time, as he needed to speak with his uncle, King Thorin, about what he and the representative had agreed on.

While your husband conversed calmly with his uncle, you passed behind him, and pressed a huge kiss to his bearded cheek. He blushed a deep beet red and stuttered, never failing to be brought to a halt by your actions.

Thorin only laughed heartily, teasing his young nephew about the consequences of marrying.

But the blond prince would have his revenge.

Later that day, you were talking to your mother-in-law, Lady Dís, about some new dresses you and her had just ordered.

You and Lady Dís were already on good terms; she loved you to death. But you still tried to impress her, either with your knowledge of the royal life, or with your constant state of eloquence and tactful prowess. Usually you upheld yourself with such grace and dignity, but unfortunately for you, it was not this day.

As you cheerily discussed the topic of bows and lace with your mother-in-law, Fili waltzed up behind you and slapped your backside with such force that you toppled forward into Dís's open arms.

Your face, as you turned your head around to glare at your husband, was one of astonishment, betrayal, and definitely red.

Dís looked outright murderous (thankfully it wasn't geared towards you), and shouted her eldest son's name, causing him to pale quite quickly. "You know it is not proper to touch a lady in such a manner in public, you shameless pig!" she roared at Fili. "Even when she is your wife!" she added before Fili could.

Fili nodded and apologized profusely, to both you and his mother, and sped down the halls in the opposite direction.

Only after he was out of sight did you and Dís burst out laughing.