her girlfriend.

twenty-two

I'd rather barely sleep than sleep and have a nightmare so me getting not even a full hour last night is ok. Sort of.

I mean, my body kinda hates me right now. I have a pounding headache, and I just feel sick. Mentally sick, not really physically.

But my body also was the one who wouldn't let me sleep. That kept me tossing and turning all night fucking long.

My body is a fucking bitch and that's that. And so is my brain. They're like a dynamic duo of evil.

If I'm thinking shit like this, you defiantly know that I didn't sleep the night before. Or I'm high. Either way, I'll take it.

It's going on ten in the morning now. And laying down just is making me feel worse so I'm sitting up in the armchair.

Reading. Yes, I'm actually reading. A book. A real life book. I haven't picked one of those bad boys up in so long. Crazy.

Curled up in a little ball, knees to my chest, me, River Gomez, is reading a book about some straight white kids.

This is one of the most rare sightings anyone would ever see. Probably a once in a life-time opportunity because this book sucks.

"Wow, look at you. Reading a book." My eyes dart up from the page and to the bed where my beautiful girlfriend is just waking up.

Laying in her baggy Black Lives Matter t-shirt and nothing else, she looks like a goddess and I don't understand how.

I'm actual trash when I wake up. Like look at me. In one of my hoodies and sweatpants with the hood up and pouty face on. Trash.

"It's a stupid book." I place said book down on the end table beside me and continue with my pouty, clearly upset face.

"It's my favorite book. Looking for Alaska." The smile on her barely awake face makes me want to like it. But I can't.

"All books are dumb. I don't understand them. What's the point in reading words off a page when you can watch actual people on TV?"

Sabrina laughs and does that thing while running her hand through her gorgeous hair, shaking it out. It's beautiful to watch.

Anything she does is beautiful to watch though, even when I'm in one of my bitchy and pouty face moods.

"It's fun to imagine that in your head. Reading is like creating your own little TV show in your head."

I've never been good at imagining things. My parents even got me tested for autism spectrum disorder when I was little because of it.

We never got the results back on that, actually. Or I just don't know. I mean, I can't see myself having any more issues.

I'm just really weird. And people know that. They know I'm weird in my own little way and they respect that.

Sabrina more than anybody. "You're so interesting."

A playful grin makes it way on my pouty lips. "Interesting?"

"Yeah. I wanna know how you think." she looks like she's staring right into my soul with those beautiful blue eyes.

"Trust me, you don't." I laugh a little, but she doesn't. Instead, just observing me with that loving smile at the corner of her lips.