her girlfriend.

ninety-five

Any kind of nightmares suck. If it's a nightmare because of a scary movie or some shit, it sucks. If it's because of PTSD, it sucks a little more, though.

I'm better at recovering than I used to be, though. I don't like admitting it but these therapy session I'm forced to go to are real helping.

If I ain't have the strategies and mindset that Doctor Parker is helping me with then I probably not be this ok. I'm not great but I'm okay and I'll take it.

It used to take me the entire day to get over a nightmare but just an hour after, I feel ok and calm, slightly. It's huge fucking progress.

Oh, but the best progress is that nightmares almost a rarity now compared to just a few months ago. They only be maybe once in two weeks.

That makes me happy when I think about it, even right now. As I'm clutching the sides of the sink, bent over and washing away all my tears.

Sabrina seems to be taking it harder than I am, even. It has got be hard for her to watch me go through that, no doubt. I mean, she loves me.

"It pisses me off that this even happened to you-- like what the fuck? And look at you-- babe, you don't deserve this-- no one deserves this and-- "

"I'm f-fine," my voice is shaky and scratchy but that doesn't determine how I feel right now. I obviously don't feel normal but I'm ok.

"How can you say you're fine after you were just-- " she stops herself when she notices that she's actually getting mad, "I-I'm sorry-- I just-- "

"You j-jus-just don't like s-seeing me like that, I-I-I know." it's weird that I pretty calm but obviously weird in a good way. It much better.

I'd take being calm an hour later over still crying and shaking an hour later, as fucking weird as it is. I almost feel as if I should be crying now.

So glad I'm not, though, and I think that's all part of why I'm doing so well since the last night are I had. "Exactly. You don't deserve this."

I turn the running water off and wrap my arms around her smaller body, as if I'm the one who comforting her. It not what you'd expect now.

"It makes me so mad, fuck," Sabrina mumbles into my chest with her arms tightly holding my waist, "I just want to protect you, River."

"I-I don't wanna ta-t-talk about it no more," almost confidently, I state that while leaning back from the tight hug so our eyes can lock, "I-I'm good."

"Alright," she says softly, her hands sliding up my body until they're cupping my face with her thumb caressing my skin, "As long as you're okay."

Sabrina tries so fucking hard to hide all the upset feelings she gets from my nightmares because she knows it's me who has it the worst. I love that.

It's respect, I think. That she respects what I've gone through and fights her own feelings to help me. I want to do that for her one day.

Not in a bad way. I mean, no. I don't mean that I want her to go through anything I been through at all. I just-- nevermind. I just love her so much.

And Abstract, too. He been laying in the corner just watching me with those concerned green eyes. That is until I call his name and he get so happy.