her girlfriend.

thirty-two

I'm not one to want to fall asleep. I'd much rather stay awake all night, tossing and turning like last night, than sleep and have a nightmare.

Until the morning comes around, and I'm conflicted. Didn't even get a full hour of sleep last night. And I got my period.

Defiantly not the kind of day that I want to be up and moving at six in the goddamn morning. But I also don't want to sleep. It sucks.

Takes everything I have not to fall asleep as I'm getting dressed. "My poor, tired, little baby. Come here, pretty girl."

I'm brought into yet another hug. This is about the seventh hug we've shared since waking up. I really needed them all.

"You don't have to go if you don't feel well," she pulls away just enough for her hands to caress my face, "It's ok."

"But I want to support you." Supportiveness is one of the crucial things ever in a relationship to me. Everyone needs to feel supported.

"You're the most supportive girlfriend ever," I see how honest she's being in those bright blue eyes, "I know you support me no matter what."

My own eyes tell her that there's no way I can leave the bus today when I feel like actual shit. I need to have a lazy day.

And she's ok with that. "Let me do your hair so it's not all in your eyes. We need to see those beautiful green eyes!"

"You could've just packed my hair straightener," I chuckle a little bit while lazily sitting down on the floor in front of where she's seated on the edge of the bed so she can actually reach my hair.

Sabrina laughs as she starts her work with my hair. "But your curly hair is so cute, and adorable and soft."

With a playful roll of my eyes, I let her put my hair up in a messy bun. It doesn't help with anything, though. Maybe a little bit.

But there's still all the baby hairs that didn't make it into the bun in way of my eyes and vision.

"Gorgeous," I hear her proud words as she finally is done with putting my hair up, "You are so gorgeous, Princess."

I'm too exhausted to form any words so instead, I just turn around and lay her down to crawl atop of her. Laying down and snuggling in.

Wish we could just cuddle all day long. It's what I need. And the way she rubs my tummy when I have cramps would be very helpful.

I'm given a really soothing back rub before, "Ok, I gotta go now, love bug. I promise, I'll give you so much more of this when I get back."

"Kissy," sounds like I'm a fucking baby. In that stupid baby voice that all my previous girlfriends (especially Sabrina) has loved

"You're so cute." she mumbles into the quick kiss that somehow has the power in just the short amount of time it was to make me feel better.

Just a little bit. Gonna need a whole lot more of them before I'm feeling ok again but what you gonna do?

Periods mixed with sleepless nights mixed with mental health issues sucks and there's pretty much nothing to do about it.

•••

With my girlfriend gone for a few hours, I have to force myself to stay awake because if I fall asleep and have nightmare while she's not here?