her girlfriend.

thirty

Fuck nightmares. Fuck sleeping. Fuck everything. Fuck life and being alive and all that stupid shit. Don't remembering signing up for this.

That's how I'm feeling today. All thanks to my very fucked up brain making me have a nightmare yet again. It fucking sucks.

It just pisses me off, more than anything. Sure, I was kidnapped and almost murdered when I was young but shouldn't I be over that by now.

I don't even know. All the other kids that were kidnapped ended up dying so not one other person knows how I should feel.

"Have some water," Sabrina does all she can to help though and I do appreciate it but it's not enough, at this point. I want them to stop.

I'm sick of being scared to fall asleep. I just want to sleep like a normal person and not have to worry about shit like this.

And I know I shouldn't be mad at Sabrina because it's far from her fault but I just need to release it on someone. She knows that.

"You think water will solve everything?" I snap at her. Arms crossed against my chest as I sniffle and blink back some tears.

"No," she states and places a hand on my hip, "But if you don't drink water after you cry, you'll get an even worse headache."

Makes sense, so I take the water. Take a big drink and hand it back to her while gazing down into her caring and concerned eyes.

Sabrina sighs. A deep sigh that's always specially reserved for me after I have a nightmare and get like this.

Once she has placed the cup down on a surface, my hands are taken into hers and she kisses them. "I love you."

"Make the nightmares stop," I mumble out and let a few tears leave my sad, green eyes.

One of her hands reach up to caress my face. Thumb gently wiping away the tears that are falling. "I wish I could take them all away from you give them to me. I hate seeing you like this, baby."

I burst out into tears for that. Not sure why. Obviously, the fact I just had a nightmare plays a part in it but what she said.

That shit broke my heart but made it so full at the same time. I love this beautiful girl to death. I really do.

•••

"Just close your eyes," she tells me from outside of the little shower in the bathroom on bus that I'm in, "Relax yourself, love."

"Showering isn't relaxing. It's a waste of time and energy." I state with confidence in my opinion that makes her laugh a little.

"Because you aren't letting yourself relax," Sabrina acts like showering van solve all my mental problems but it can't, "Take a deep breath."

Still though, I follow her breathing. My eyes watching her through the glass that's quickly starting to fog up.

We take serval deep breathes and it makes me a little less tense, at least. I still would not considered that to be ''relaxed'', though.

"Ok," once, I finally finish up in there and rinse all the soap off my body, my girlfriend opens the glass door, "Don't you feel a little better?"