her girlfriend.

seventy

"Mmmhmmmm, you did so good, angel," exactly the kinda love I needed to wake up to after last night, "I told you that you'd power through it."

"I-I feel okay now, t-too." it's the morning after thanksgiving dinner with all them people that probably hate me. It was hell over there.

And I swear, all the dudes looked the same. It just wasn't a fun night, really, and I feel a little bad because of that fact.

I know my girlfriend and I know she loves me, obviously. I also know how important her family is to her. Yet here I am, ruining it all for her.

Don't know how to explain it but I just feel like I ruined it. I mean, if I wasn't autistic and have anxiety and shit, it probably would've been okay.

"That's good, I knew you would," Sabrina yawns, stretching out her tiny limbs before letting them wrap around my body, "Come here,"

I happily snuggle right into her. Even bringing the covers right up over our heads so it's really just us. I need some intimate morning cuddles.

Everyone know them type of cuddles. It just reassures you. Like if you're doubting anything then these cuddles can help, at least a little.

And I'm feeling ok but still shitty because I ruined it. I know that cuddling and talking it out will help. Always does.

"I swear, everyday you get more and more beautiful," I hear and my heart starts beating way too fast. It's that love shit fluttering around.

"Th-Thank you," then I look up into her blue eyes with a smile and I don't know why but she giggles, giving me more kisses. I love this.

I get so much love. It's unreal. I mean, it's a whole lot. And it's that unconditional love, too. I get this no matter what.

And I give it right back as best as I can. This girl deserves the entire universe and I gotta treat her like the queen she is just like she do me.

I'm still a little upset, even with all this love, though. I don't like being upset and so I decided to bring it up. Something I don't usually do.

I'd much rather prefer to not and just let dissolve on its own but I think this is better and I know Sabrina will help me. Or try, at least.

"Hey, Sabrina," I say her name, and look up into her eyes so she know I really wanna talk right now.

Another one of her adorable giggles fills our quiet room as she tangles her fingers in my uncontrollable curls. "Hey, River,"

"I really d-don't l-like having anxiety, you know? And a-a-autism. I just want i-it to b-be easier for me and I-I don't wanna— you know— r-r-ruin— ruin things."

"Ruin things? You don't ruin things, baby," that's the first thing she points out and I sign of relief, "I promise you don't ruin things. Not at all."

"Yeah, but a-a-all my issues," I say back with a sigh, not of relief this time, "If I-I didn't have them then i-it— it would make things s-s-so much easier for you."

"River, stop this. You having autism and anxiety and depression and everything that you have— that doesn't change anything, okay? My life isn't any harder because of that at all, and I don't want you thinking that. I'm serious."