her girlfriend.

ninety-nine

It's so fucking weird to wake up in another bed. I haven't done this in what feels like so damn long but now, I'm gonna be doing it for a while.

I'm just glad that Sabrina can wake up with me every day or else this be real weird and I'd hate it. It does suck that she has to leave, though.

I mean, we wake up and she gotta go. It sucks a lot but she making a damn movie and I can soon say that my girlfriend is also a movie star.

I  got enough time with her for my morning cuddles, though, and I need them every damn morning. I don't care if it make me seem needy.

Anyone who ever cuddled or so much as hugged my girl then you know that it's basically a requirement to cuddle with her as much as possible.

"And then I'll be back before you know it, honey." she says as if she trying to leave but really, she the one refusing to get up right now.

"Midnight i-is s-s-so far," maybe it both of us. I don't want her to leave me and she don't want to leave me either. "A-Ab-Abstract want you, too."

"Gotta go be a movie star, baby," Sabrina breathes out a deep sigh but with a such a cute smile on her lips, "Just ten more minutes, okay?"

"I-I'll take that," I whisper against her skin as I nuzzle into her neck and make sure to give her some soft little kisses just to make her smile more.

And it works as she holds me close and responds with a kiss to my head where I feel her smiling lips. It's soft, that the only way I can describe it.

With me in the middle between a fully-dressed Sabrina and Abstract on my other side, this is my dream but it's reality. It's like heaven, I'm in heaven.

•••

Being alone when you have anxiety is simultaneously what you want but not at all what you need. It is for me, at least. In this point in time.

Alone with your thoughts is scary and I've always hated that since I was little but being alone is also calming. It's mad confusing to me, really.

And that's why I'm not really alone right now. I am, but I'm also on an instagram live because I'm still alone but I'm occupied which is perfect.

It's mostly the stans that are here with me, on live. All asking dumb questions that are so irrelevant to they own lives but just have to know.

"My birthday g-gift-gift f-for Sabrina?" questions like that. I mean, that stan ain't need to know that but it's cute, "I-I ain't s-spoiling nothing on here."

It such a shitty gift which why I really ain't saying. I mean, people would probably call me a terrible girlfriend and these girls protective of they idol.

There's so much more I could've done than get her a pair of nike air force ones that she's been wanting for so long but I couldn't think of it.

Plus, we matching now and I know that she'll be hella happy we can be that annoying couple even more now. I guess, I did pretty good with the gift.

"Our dog n-named A-Abstract, by th-the way," so many comments that it's weird but it doing such a good job to take my mind off things.

Things meaning fucking medication and the nightmare I almost had last night probably caused by the stress. My brain need to stay away from that.