her girlfriend.

ninety-eight

"You're not fine, and these kisses aren't gonna trick me into thinking that you are fine just so we won't talk about it. I know you so well, River."

"I-I-I know you know me s-so well," she's so fucking right but I continue on with kissing her even though my plan has failed. I still gonna try, though.

"I'm serious," not serious enough for her hands to not be on my ass so maybe I still got a chance here, "Come on, queen. I wanna talk, okay?"

"I r-rather n-n-no talking," my lips leave the sensitive skin on her neck and connect with her lips, so soft and so heavenly lips. I could kiss her all day.

"Mmmmm," and usually she can, but not this time. I guess, she actually serious and I hate that. I know what we gonna be talking about, "River."

A low groan leaves my lips as I roll off from on top of her, laying on my back on my side of our bed with Abstract at my feet, wanting attention.

I'll gladly give him my attention as he crawls up into my arms, his heavy ass head on my shoulder. It's another distraction from what she gonna say.

Sabrina says it anyways, though, and I hear loud and clear. "I'm only concerned for you, love. I don't like seeing you how you were last night."

I swallow hard and actually think before responding to that. I ain't looking in her eyes when she leans over to do just that, either. I can't right now.

"I'm upset w-with-with you," it's not saying that that's hard, it's just the situation that's hard. I've been upset with her many times so it's not that.

"Because I said I think it'll be an option to look into? River, I want what's best for you and your mental health. Always. I know you know that, baby."

Sabrina's hand finds mine and laces our fingers together, as always. Our hands then rest on my chest, on my heartbeat. "You want m-me to change."

Clearly, she's taken back by that statement which makes me feel more secure in that sense but also still not back to usual. "Wha-- no. Not at all."

I'm coming on hella hard and I feel bad for doing it but I feel worse knowing that she want me to have pills fuck with my mind and who I am.

And so, I continue. Not looking in her eyes, looking in Abstract's eyes as I be so fucking petty to her. "You d-dat-dating someone w-with a-a-autism and anxiety a-and depression and PTSD s-s-so live with it o-or l-leave."

"Oh my god," that clearly upset her a lot, "What the fuck, River?"

And that's where I break. I can't bare to have her think I would even consider anything like that because of this. "I-I'm sorry. I just-- I-I hate this."

Just like that I'm crying again. Not as much as last night but enough that I look away so she doesn't get all concerned although she already is.

My body is taken into her arms and I cry into her chest. Just like I do when I have a bad nightmare, I cry into her chest like a fucking baby. I am.

Sabrina holds me despite how rude I was to her just now and last night, too. I really don't deserve her, she's too good to me. "Shhhh, it's okay."