her girlfriend.

sixty-three

This finna sound crazy as hell, I know. And I know that you guys are gonna be so confused when you hear what I'm gonna say.

I don't wanna leave London now. First, I didn't wanna be here and now I don't wanna leave. I'm weird, and we been knew that.

There's a solid reason why, though. Because I don't wanna face that terrible crowd of paparazzi and people at the airport again. I hated that.

I'd much rather just live in this hotel room, honestly. It's calm in here, and I get lots of cuddles in here. I love it here.

And it's easier for me to be relaxed, even knowing that the whole world knows about me having autism. I'm doing good in here.

Don't think I'm gonna do that well when we have to leave. And that's today, we have to leave today. Clearly, I'm not looking forward to it.

"Think about our potential new house. How we're gonna know if it's officially ours so soon, baby girl. Our first house!"

That's amazing, it really is. The fact that I'm gonna be taking this step with my girlfriend is crazy and amazing. I'm proud of me for that.

And I'm a little excited, I guess. A lot excited, actually. Maybe going back home won't be too, too bad. Just hard.

I've done harder things, though. Yeah, I can do this. I'm gonna do this and then we're gonna get this house. I'm so ready.

"Look at that smile," Sabrina gushes over me, eyes pretty much turning into actual fucking hearts, "You're so cute."

"I'm only happy because we might get our house." I try hard to stop myself from smiling but I really can't. Honestly.

"You're doing so good," she tells me and those heart eyes of hers are filled with sincerity and honesty, "Now, let's get moving, pretty girl."

"Pretty girl?" I question and no ones gonna notice but I'm blushing so hard because if that. No ones ever called me that.

Sabrina makes sure to kiss my forehead while she crawls off me, and the surprisingly comfy hotel bed. "My gorgeous girl."

Well, now, I'm happy. Still almost shaking from the anxiety and nerves but doing pretty good about the whole happiness thing.

•••

Our mini, four day, London trip was very calm. Had its ups and downs but I felt ok once I was there, you know. I really don't want to leave.

We have to, though, because in two days, it's another award show. I think it's the american version of this one but I don't care.

I'm not looking forward to the LA airport. After a ten hour flight makes it even worse. I seriously would rather fucking walk or something.

Being in my favorite comfy clothes don't even help. My Off White hoodie, joggers, and my Gucci slides. I'm still anxious as fuck.

"The lineup isn't that long, honey," I feel her hand rub my back and I'm taken out of my thoughts, "Come on,"

Fucking starbucks. British people starbucks. Don't know if that's any different but I still ain't gonna go. "I just wanna go on the plane."

Sabrina's hand finds mine, lacing our fingers together. And that does help me not break down in fucking tears but not enough help.