her girlfriend.

eighty-four

I'm fucking terrified right now and there's no reason for me to be fucking terrified but I am. I so am right now and probably will be for a while.

January 25th is what I'm scared of. It's a happy day of celebration but inside, I'm petrified. I'm petrified and so anxious.

It's mine and Sabrina's one year anniversary. In three days. Three fucking goddamn fucking days. I ain't ready for that shit yet.

I feel like we just started dating yesterday and now, it's three days until we been together for one full year. It's crazy.

Sabrina is probably gonna go all out, too. I bet she'll spend like a billion fucking dollars on me and what do I do? Nothing but be scared.

I'm not ready for this kinda of shit. This one-year shit. It makes me feel like there's pressure to be all romantic and I don't like that.

Inside, I am so happy that we've come this far and are still continuing our life together but it's scary. I don't even know how to explain it.

"Don't be scared, River. Come on," and my dumb brothers no help with this shit either, "You finally got yourself a girl to wifey up, be proud."

"I-I-I-- I'm a-all-allowed to be scared, Aidan," I run my fingers through my crazy curls as I relax back on the couch.

"Of course, you're allowed but don't be. I think you should take all that scared shit and turn it into pride and happiness, sis. Do it."

"If it w-wa-was that e-easy, I-I-I'd do it." my green eyes flutter closet just as a deep sigh leaves my lips. I don't know what to do at this point.

I feel a body sit next to me on the couch and I see my dad. It's the person I'd least-expect to get involved in this conversation.

Don't get me wrong, I love how far he's come with liking Sabrina and our relationship but he still a work in progress. I'm fine with that, though.

It's just odd that he's the one giving me advice. "Cariño, estás saliendo con una mujer maravillosa que te ama pase lo que pase."

"Yes, I-I know sh-she l-l-loves me no matter what but-- " I respond in sort of a childish whine to my father.

"No buts. This woman loves you and you love her yeah? Just because it is now one year doesn't make that change, okay? Don't be scared, cariño."

"Gracias papa," oddly enough, his words help. I was really not expecting his help and neither were my brothers. I'm glad it did, though.

Mom seems very happy as she's watching us from the kitchen. I bet it's a mix of proudness and happiness. And I'm glad for that.

I guess, I do deserve to be happy. I mean, I been with the love of my life for a fully year, as scary as that sounds. I can't believe it.

•••

What makes me so scared is the pressure of the anniversary, not the actual fact of our relationship lasting for a year. I hate pressure.

I mean, the fact does make me a little anxious because damn. A year is a long fucking time and will probably mean forever with us.

There's gonna be like a hundred more anniversaries and today is just the first. It adds a lot more pressure that me makes me like this.