shawn mendes imagines [ COMPLETED ]

inside his mind

sometimes i wish i could read other people's minds - know what they're thinking. but then i realise the hurt that may cause. what if by doing this, i found out my entire perception of them was wrong? or i discovered dirty little secrets i wish i'd never known?

then i think of shawn. i think of all of the unanswered questions i have about us lingering in my mind. maybe if i could read his mind, i'd finally get those answers and maybe, just maybe, i could move on?

so let's pretend for a minute that i know everything he's thinking. i can see into that tiny little brain of his and search for my answers. i'm searching and searching, and right when i'm about to give up, i find something. my name has just popped into his mind. he still thinks of me. he still thinks about what we once had together.

the mere thought of the long nights we spent laying in each other's minds, talking about anything and everything brings a tear to his eye. he doesn't know why. he thought he was over me. he swallows the lump in his throat, plasters a fake smile on his face and pretends to be engrossed in the conversation his friends are having.

now he can't escape the memories of us. his mind doesn't seem to want him to forget - but he's desperate to. he doesn't want to relive those moments over and over again, because he knows he'll just end up spiralling: spiralling into a pit of sadness. he's scared that if he thinks of me too much, he might do something stupid without thinking. he's scared he might come to my house and start begging for me to come back to him.

his friends manage to shake him out of it. and suddenly he's okay again. he's shawn again. he's listening to what they're saying, and occasionally getting involved with the conversation himself.

he's convinced himself he was just being dramatic. he won't spiral. he won't come to my house begging for me. he's just lonely. he doesn't really miss me. all he needs is someone new. someone new who can fulfil him in ways i never could.

shawn doesn't need me.

i put myself in his shoes, and i've found my answers. i've realised that i don't need to be able to read his mind in order to find them. i just needed a reality check. and now that i've had one, i think i can move on.

i don't need shawn.

~~

i've nearly been writing this book for a year holy fuck