Walking Dead Game Collection

"Look What I've Done"

Title: Look What I've Done
Characters: Kenny, Clementine, Luke, Bonnie
Summary: Clementine slowly begins to isolate herself after Kenny's outburst towards her regarding Sarita's death. Soon he realizes that his actions piled on top with the poor child's mindset have turned her suicidal.
Author's Note: I'm so emotional right now. There will be triggers and curse towards so this is your warning. Read with caution.
Requested By: twdgblog
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The outburst was the worst. Everyone knew that. That's what had gotten to her the most. That's what dug deep.
After all these days Clementine could still play that argument back perfectly in her mind, word for word what he has said to her. Since then he had apologized and opened up more, relaxing and not being as hostile towards the group. But the words stuck and followed her around like weighs on her shoulders crushing her every time she took a step or dared to look at them.
It was her fault. She had grown to believe that it truly was her fault that Sarita's had passed. What would have happened if she had killed the walker instead? What would have happened if she hadn't chopped off her hand? She would still have died, but by her hands. Maybe then Kenny would have had some more respect for her. The respect and love that she had lost.
A hand against her shoulder jolted the child from her thoughts. The hand was pushing the weights deeper into her body; memories flooding back, the guilt and consuming anxiety growing stronger.
"Clem?"
"Hi Bonnie." She whispered back softly in response. She didn't flinch. She didn't speak loud. She didn't even look at her. She could hardly look at anyone these days without feeling the wave of sorrow plunge and drag her out to sea. Every time she looked in the faces of those around her all she could see was the wrong she had done, never the good she had caused.
The red-head cleared her throat and removed her hand before resuming. "We got some food ready if you'd like some."
"Not hungry."
"Clem, you always say that. You haven't eaten at all in the past two days and have been saying you aren't hungry for weeks now." She sighed in exhaustion, rubbing her forehead in defeat.
There it was. Another problem she had caused. She could add that to list of what she had done wrong to Bonnie.
"Please come and get something. Even small?"
Clem hesitated. "No thanks."
Bonnie frowned. She studied the child and internally groaned before walking away back to the fire pit. She couldn't figure it out. Clementine very suddenly had clamped up about everything. She hardly spoke to anyone anymore and almost never ate. She slept farther away from the rest of the group and occupied her free time drawing in the dirt with a stick or making wood carvings in tinder not suitable for their fires. What had happened to their little girl?
Bonnie signed as she plopped herself against the ground. She grabbed a slice of bread and nibbled on it, looming her hands closer to the fire to stay warm.
At the same time Kenny and Luke both glanced past her shoulder at the girl sitting farther away from the rest.
"Is, uhm," Luke began with a soft cough. "Clementine not joining us?" Bonnie shook her head, tucking back some hair and taking a huge bite from her meal.
Kenny frowned at the two, his eyes turning back to the child farther away. A part of him felt responsible since his snap had definitely not helped the situation. He had just assumed that this feeling had been building in the little girl for a while and his outburst had caused her to finally fall into the pit she had dug for herself. Little did he know.
"Kenny, do you know what's been going on?" He jumped slightly taken aback by the question and leaned in forwards towards the accented female for clarification. She rolled her eyes and fixated carefully on him. "With Clem."
Kenny leaned back, scratching his beard and biting into his slice of bread he had. "I mean, maybe."
"Maybe?" Luke said softly. "Well that's better than the rest of us."
"What is it? Tell us what you think." Kenny glanced back and forth between the two in interest. "We're desperate."
"She hasn't been eating, I have no idea if she's been sleeping well,"
"She hasn't been speaking with anyone if she doesn't have to. She's shut right up." Bonnie finished, cutting Luke off.
Kenny paused, his eyes gliding back to study the child sitting apart from them. Had he caused that? All the things that had been going wrong, was he the catalyst for them all? He closed his eyes and begged softly that he wasn't, that he hasn't caused her fit of sorrow in the burst of rage he had over his broken heart weeks before. Cursing under his breath the male stood, brushing off his pants and starting towards towards the girl shrouded in darkness.
Bonnie and Luke exchanged confused glanced before slowly turning back towards he fire in concerned silence. Whatever was about to happen they needed to stay out of it to begin with.
"Mind if I sit here?" He asked, his palms clenching the sides of his pants before taking a seat. The amount of courage he had to gather for those few words were ridiculous. Getting no response, Kenny began. "Oh come on, Clem. Not even a hi?"
Nothing. Not enough a glance or a cough. She was a statue.
He frowned. Clearly this was more serious than he thought. "Clem, people are worried about you. We have been since the first day you started acting like this. Come on. What's going on?"
Clementine internally groaned. How could he not see what he had done to her? How he had hurt her? Did the words he had screamed in her face mean nothing?
"Please, Clem. We need to know."
Maybe it was time she told. So he can see what he's done. So she could finally allow her chest to open and let the pain to pour out.
"I hate what I've done." She said softly, her chin resting against her arms resting comfortably on top of her legs. "I hate the trouble I've caused."
"What trouble? You haven't done any of that."
She shot him a small glare, one that demanded he stop lying to make her feel better. "You said it yourself." She sighed sadly. "You said all yourself." The last part she mumbled under her breath, sliding her lips behind her arms.
Kenny jolted as the arrow of words pierced his heart. He was the kickstarter for all of this. He was the person who started Clementine's downfall.
"I hate who I am." She continued, eyes closed as she replayed all of we worst moments against her eyelids like a movie screen. "I hate what I've caused. I hate that the place I need to grow up in is where everyone hates me, I need to fend for myself, and am just the burden." A brief moment of silence. She needed to change the film she was watching. "Sometimes I think it's better if I wasn't here. It would be nicer for everyone."
Kenny turned towards her, a more serious expression this time. She couldn't possibly be saying what he was thinking, was she?
"I could see Lee again. I could see everyone again. I would be away from the people I cause so much trouble to. I could be away from those," She shivered. "Things that are constantly trying to kill me." Her eyes slowly opened, glancing up to the sky in hope. "I could be so happy."
"Clem, stop."
Silence.
"You can't seriously be considering this? Are you?" More silence. The silence that beat him over the head and screamed that he had made far too many mistakes to bring this child to this point. "Clem. Clem. Please look at me and listen, please. I'm begging, Clem."
Her eyes slowly shifted to meet the man, now on his knees, hands clenched into balls against his pants, his eyes wide with desperation and pleading. She didn't understand why suddenly he was so eager to take back and change the words that had put her in this position to begin with. "Clem, you gotta believe me when I didn't mean to cause this. I didn't mean to make you feel this way."
He didn't get it. He wasn't the only one that made her feel like this. The rest of the world did too. But most importantly, probably the most impactful, was it was herself telling her these things.
"I didn't want to add to how you were feeling. I-I forgot about Lee and your family in that moment and it was just..." He paused, weights slamming down on him like hail and rain. "I was just focusing on me."
The girl remained silent, her expression stone cold and non-changing. Slowly he was piecing it together. How he had hurt her. He was starting to make sense of it all.
"Clem, I adore you. You're my world and back. I didn't mean to do this to you...to help do this to you...what I said before was me hating myself. Not me hating you."
The girl sat taller, sitting up straight and looking into the eyes of the man before her who was on his knees begging to be forgiven by her. Tears brimmed on the edges of his eyes just waiting for one word to push them over and begin to waterfall. She had never realized until this moment how hurt he had been. Not by her actions towards Sarita, but how hurt he had been because of himself. He had blamed everything on himself ever since this nightmare of a world started. She couldn't let that continue. He has hurting just as much as she was. They were equals. Finally, she understood that. Maybe there was hope. If someone else was in the same position as her and yet could still find a way to keep going, maybe she could too.
"It's okay, Kenny." She gave a small shrug. "I'm not going anywhere."
Kenny grinned thankfully, closing his eyes to collect his tears back together as he rested a palm against her shoulder thankfully. "Thank you, Clem. I'm not letting you disappear anytime soon."
Clementine knew her mind wasn't going to change in a day. But maybe, just maybe, now she could start to work on it.
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Original Link: http://thatglitterygeek.tumblr.com/post/127964972767/walking-dead-game-fanfiction-look-what-ive