Love is suppose to be some great thing, you know the thing that makes you feel like you're five, give you this fuzzy feeling inside, make your heart skip about 1-1 million beats. You are suppose to be star struck, feel butterflies and light headed. And that is never suppose to end until the day you die.
So when you started to feel that way towards Dean Winchester, you panicked because love meant a whole new thing for you two, love was all that and then some, sloppy moves to protect each other, possibly getting yourself hurt or killed for the other and worst of all a target. If a demon, angel or anything else supernatural wanted to get to the other person (who would more then likely be Dean), the other (Aka You) would be kidnapped, tortured, and then present to the other to make them break, make them stop, and then the bloodied, bruised victim would be forced to watch as they either kill him or force him to do their bidding, and then they would kill you. Either way being the weakness was the worst outcome.
But everyday it got worse, he flirted more, he lingered longer, when you would find yourselves next to each other his arm was always around you, or his hand was on your leg. His eyes would find your and just stare at you until you wanted to explode and see what those lips really tasted like. The worst though was when he hugged you, because he just wouldn't let you go, and the nightmares, where he would scream and kick and you would check on him and wake him up, like you always did before, but now he would be teary eyed and ask you to stay, and every time you would. You would fall asleep with your head buried into his back, arm wrapped around his torso and holding his hand, legs and front pressed against his, and every morning you would wake up to his chest being your pillow, his arm around you as you still had an arm around him, your legs somehow ending up on top of his and you always end up laying there scared to wake him up.
Then one day it all changed, you were just in bed, reading when a light knock echoed from the door. "Come in." You shouted, your eyes never leaving the book. You glanced up to see Dean standing there, in his pajamas, looking nervous, which was not a usual look for a Winchester.
"What's up Dean?"
"Ummm... I was wondering if you..... Ah never mind." And then he was gone, this happened three more time after, and not once did you find out what he wanted. Sometimes during the day too he would act funny around you, like at the bar or on a case where you needed to dress more womanly. It wasn't until the werewolf case though that you found out why.
You pulled up to the house in the 1967 black Impala complete with rock mixtapes, an Arsenal in the trunk and two very attractive boys in the front. For the team of four was cut to three due to Cas's angelic business. It was like the good old days before you were forced to deal with all the shit of the world, like angels, Lilith, leviathans and Lucifer. You pulled your face between the two and looked from the hazel to green eyes, "So what's the game plan?"
"Well we could always go the old fashion way?" Sam piped up.
"Did you remember to even pack the silver this time?" Dean asked as you both looked at Sam, who was instantly defending himself, "Oh My Gosh Dean that was one stinking time!"
"Well I say we go smoke that thing, show it a good old time." You then proceeded to start to get out until you heard Dean say, "well are we splitting up or..."
"Yea, cover more ground."
"Then I want to go...."
"Not this time Deany Pooh, I want you to go off by yourself."
"But last time you almost died, a ghost..."
"Flung me against a wall I get it, I'm good."
After they let you out and disrupted the silver bullet gun you set off on your way, Sam to the upstairs, Dean to the Down, and you to the back, deciding that Sam could cover the attic and out of appeasement to Dean, you both would check the basement. As you rounded the corner though you could see the wolf, in full form, staring at this little girl as though it was his next meal. You took aim, and were about to fire but the girl saw you first, and before you could tell her to look away, play dead, or shut up, she gasped, her big, brown eyes looking right at you, and when the wolf followed her gaze, it landed right on you.
You didn't have time to run, he'll you didn't have time to react, because that thing was right in front of you in seconds and had you pin against the wall off the exterior. It looked into your eyes and then you swore you could have seen that thing smile, before ripped its claws against your mid section causing a large deep cut in three different places that were losing blood extremely fast. You let out a scream, causing the wolf to draw up his massive claw again, and make the same marks going the other way.
"Didn't your mother tell you not to play with your food." You painfully gasped as it gripped you tighter, but then with a bang it let you go, and you fell stomach down onto the blood stained ground.
"come on Cas you son of a bitch where are you? You faintly heard several seconds later before feeling a pair of callused, rough, large hands flip you over.
"Come on Babe wake up! I can't lose you."
You barely could open your eyes but you knew you were in the arms of Dean.
"Dean, it's---- fine" you gasped out, before coughing a bit, causing a warm liquid to coat your hand.
"Well fuck." You said, knowing that your hand was now crimson, and that Dean was crying.
"Babe you will be fine, Cas will show..."
"Dean.... You are an awful liar."
"But I can't lose you, I love you. If I lose you...." But he already did, and you couldn't even tell him you loved him. Like I said in the beginning love gets you dead.
Dean POV
"If I lose you, I lose my best friend, l mean if you die who is going to pick on me. Or make me the best apple pie, or take care off me when I am sick. Whose going to..." 'Hurry up Cas' "lay in my bed when I have a bad dream, or even when I don't. I love you [Y/N]." In my own rambling though I hadn't noticed that her breathing stopped, or that her once barely opened eyes had now fluttered completely shut, I didn't notice that she died.
" [Y/N]..... [Y/N]!" The tears started to well up as I shook her a bit, her body limp.
"[Y/N] please... wake up." He whispered as Sam placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.
"CAS!" I looked at the sky and screamed, tears streaming down my face and hitting her once diary pink cheeks."
"I'm sorry Dean." A recognizable voice said, looking up I saw the baby in a trench coat standing before me, a sad look covering his face.
"You bring her back!"
"I can't, not this time."
"Why the fuck not!"
"She is wanted in heaven, special orders from God."
"Is that why you ignored me, God's orders."
"Yes, I'm sorry."
She was gone this time, really, really gone.
"Dean you have to stop, this isn't what she wants." Sammy said as I pulled out the third bottle of whiskey that night, pouring a stream of irrigation into my mouth.
When I finished I looked at Sammy and said, "she doesn't want anything anymore because she is fucking dead."
"I doubt though she would want you to be a drunken idiot."
"I'm good." I started towards her room, where I had spent the entire day just sitting, drinking and reading her book. It was a cheesy John Green, but she always liked him. Her room still smelled like apples, she always smelled like them, and it still felt the same but at the same time empty. I ended up putting the bottle and book down, and proceeded to cuddle into her sheets, taking the time to sleep wrapped in her scent.
"Dean." Sam whispered as he shook me awake, I just watched her bleeding in my arms and dying over and over and over....
"It's time."
I watched as her body was engulfed by the flames. Tears slowly rolling down my face, as Sam wiped his eyes occasionally. Then I heard the flutter of wings, "what do you want Cas?"
"She's in heaven you know?"
"Yea she was always to innocent for this job."
"She says she loves you too. And that she's ok, and not to beat yourself up because of her death."
"What?" Sam and I looked at him as he watched the flames.
"I saw her today in heaven, she says that she is happy, in her heaven it is actually the bunker. We sat on the couch and talked. I told her about heaven, and that she was died which she said, 'that was obvious feather ass.'
"Well I mean." Sam said
"And then she said she has a message, for Sam I am to tell him that there is a dog in her dream bunker waiting for him, and that not to read the books to death. And Dean, she said she loves you too, and wished she told you sooner."
"What kind of dog?" Sam asked as we both looked from the angel to the flames.
"Chocolate lab, she named it James."
I stood in silence, slowly they all left until it was me and the ashes. I went to Baby and pulled out the small urn I found in the library which I knew she would love and slowly placed some inside the urn and as I placed the lid vet the hole I whispered, "I wish I did too baby."
