You were sitting on the bed, your headphones were plugged in to your phone and in your ears, but the music wasn't on, your noise was buried in a book but you weren't reading it. Instead you chose to listen to the conversation happening behind the cut out divider that the hotel paid for, listening to a conversation that the brothers were never going to have if the knew you were listening.
"So do you think it is true, I mean..."
"What you don't believe that she is telling the truth?"
"How can I Sammy? Amara is nothing like..."
"So you think that the sister of God is lying about taking the appearance of your deepest, darkest desire."
It was more of a statement when Sam said it, this must have been the information that Dean never wanted to tell you about the day they came face to face, you would ask and he would just answer in a voice that sounded like a wounded animal, "she didn't say anything, just some nonsense that didn't matter."
"No I just..."
"Listen Dean none of us will blame you if you want to sit out, or if this is really what you want but you have to let me and [Y/N]..."
"She is getting nowhere near that Bitch!" Dean erupted, before turning around making sure you didn't get disturbed from your book, which you were still looking at.
"Why? With you down she is the second best hunter in the group..."
"Because... She doesn't know."
"Know what?"
"That she took the form of my deepest desire. Or what really was said in those woods that day, she can't go."
"What did she say?" Sam's voice got quiet, and you could hear the heartbreak in Dean's voice as he went on.
"She said that she was my one true desire and she would stop at nothing to have me, and punish whoever it was that had my heart right bow, because she could sense that my love didn't truly lie with her. She told me whoever it was would feel her wrath, as she killed them in front of me, so that I would get the message that I belong to her, and only her."
"Why didn't you tell her about her choosing your greatest desire?"
"Because Sam, she looks nothing like [Y/N]! I have loved her since the moment I saw her 6 years ago at Bobby's, she was the one I always desired when I was lonely, when I was hitting on a random fling in a bar, she was the one I wished was fixing me up when I got hurt and you were the one stitching me up and when she did, I never wanted her to stop touching me. She is the only member of this group that remembers the pie, and always gets my favorite for me when I am having a shitty day, or it was a tough hunt. When we were forced to share the bed, I could picture doing it for the rest of my life and when she had to share with you, I wanted to gut you. She is the only girl I have ever loved more then Lisa, she is sweet, and caring and far to gentle to be in this line of work, however you put a knife or gun in her hand and you have one bad ass bitch. She is better then either of us at times, and I will probably never tell her that. She is the woman I desire, the only one I desire, so the fact that that Amara looks nothing like her, scares me."
"Have you ever told her this?" Sam asked, tears welling in your eyes as you listened to Dean pour his heart out about you.
"I want to, everyday it almost slips, and everyday I have stopped myself. And now I can never tell her, because my love will get her killed."
You heard the flutter of wings then, Cas must have stopped by, "Dean, Sam, [Y/N]...."you heard him turn to you, for his shoes made an odd sound against the tile floor as he did, he was silent for a moment and then in a normal voice, "[Y/N], why are you crying?"
you held your breathe and listened to the next words, "Cas she can't hear ya with her music on." Sam said
"No, the music is turned off, she can hear me."
The gig was up, you lifted your head, and met the heartbroken eyes of Dean Winchester, "Nothing Cas, I'm fine." You mumbled as you wiped your eyes and then left for the bathroom.
As the door locked Dean let a tear slip of his own, as he wondered how long you were listening.
