The Beats Of My Heart | Meri Dil Ki Dhadkan

89

Days passed by and Arnav never came. At first I had faith that he would come but as the days went on, it started to fade away. I cried day and night and my eating was way off. One night I decided to eat, and I ended up throwing up.

"Khushi you're not a child anymore," Amma scolded as I washed up. "When will you learn to take care of yourself?"

"I don't know what to do anymore," I replied, my voice small.

"Have faith; watch, things will get better."

"When," I asked, turning to her. "Huh momma? When?"

"In time."

I was about to go up to my room when I felt my heart race up. Could it be? Could it really...? I ran outside, shocking Amma, before she went after me.

I ran out and there he was – Arnav was here. I ran up to him and held onto him, throwing my arms around his neck. "I knew you would come, I knew I you couldn't just let me go, I knew you would come!"

He remained still, not even returning my hug. Curious, I pulled back and looked up at him. He slightly stepped away from me and held his hand up. In his hand was a file, and it only added on to my confusion. He held it out to me, and I took it, and when I saw what it contained, it felt as if my heart had stopped.

"What... what is this?"

I looked up at him, searching his face for answers, but once again, neither his eyes nor his expression gave anything away.

"Arnav... please tell me this is a joke."

He remained silent.

"Please, please! Please tell me this isn't real!"

He didn't say anything. My hands grabbed his arms on their own and shook him, as if it would somehow get an answer out of him.

"Arnav, how could you do this? How could you do this to me? To us?! How could you think that I don't love you? After everything?! Why are you doing this Arnav, why?!"

Still no answer, and my anger had reached its limit.

"Fine! If this is what you fucking want..."

I stormed back into the house, passing by Amma, and grabbed the first pen my eyes landed on, then stormed right back out, finding Arnav in the exact same position.

"...I'll sign these fucking divorce papers!"

I heard Amma gasp, but I didn't care. Instead, I yanked the cap off and let it fall to the ground and signed anywhere and everywhere I needed to before shoving them back in his hands. He remained silent and turned to leave, when something came to my mind.

"Do you remember how you always claimed that I was yours?"

Arnav stopped and stood still. Then he turned his head a little bit.

"No matter what, you were always mine, and I was always yours, do you remember that?"

No answer.

"Mine – that's what you would say to me."

"That was before," he replied. "Now things are a whole different deal-"

"Of course! All you ever care about is your fucking business!"

He didn't say anything, and he left to his car and drove away. I stared in disbelief and ran up to my room, locking the door from behind, not caring when Amma called after me. I stuffed my face in my pillow and cried... just cried....

Days passed and I waited for the confirmation letter of our divorce to arrive, but it didn't. This still meant that I had time to keep my parting filled and keep my mangalsutra on and I held onto it very closely to my heart. Truth be told, I wouldn't always wear it, nor would I always keep my parting filled - I mean it's not like every married woman does in these days and time. But these days, not one part of me could get me to not wear my mangalsutra, nor keep my parting empty. These two things were the only things that could give me any ounce of hope.

One day, I felt really, really hungry. It really wasn't so surprising, given that I had been basically starving myself. My head was also spinning but I worried on my hunger instead, thinking that once I ate something, the feeling would go away. Amma and Babuji were outside and no one was around. I went down to the kitchen and got some stuff out to cook, since there wasn't anything I wanted to eat. I quickly made myself a bowl of pasta and sat down to eat, and even though a part of me really didn't want to, for the sake of my stomach, I attempted to eat.

However as soon as the food entered my mouth and I chewed on it, I spat it right out, absolutely revolted. I felt my stomach twist and churn and I felt like I was going to be sick-

Scratch that, I am going to be sick!

I got up and ran upstairs, passing Amma and Babuji as they entered through the front door with groceries in hands.

"Khushi, what-"

But I didn't wait for her to finish, running straight upstairs and deposited what very little my stomach contained into the toilet. Amma came in not long after and held my hair back as I heaved into the toilet. When I felt nothing more. I flushed away the contents and got up to clean myself up.

"See what happens when you mess around with your eating habits," Amma said.

I didn't say anything, brushing my teeth and then washing my face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and stared at it for a second. I noticed my calendar behind me, within my room, and my eyes widened. I rushed over to it and examined it carefully.

There's no way... I mean... it can't be!

I looked at the month before and this month. I did a little calculating and kept thinking it over and over again in my head. Amma came into my room and looked at me like I was an idiot because I was pacing back and forth when she walked in.

"What are you doing," Amma asked. "You should be resting! I'm going to bring food for you, okay?"

"Late," I practically whispered.

"What?"

"Late."

"What? Khushi, speak up! I can't hear you."

"It's the 29th and... and...."

"Yes, today's the 29th, so?"

"But the 13th, I mean... it should've..."

"Khushi," she said with a threatening sound in her voice. "What's going on?"

"Amma... I don't know... but now that I think of... it all makes sense!"

She gave me a confused look and I continued.

"The dizziness, the vomiting, food tasting bad! This is all good!"

"Khushi...?"

"And it's been way too long! I mean it's been a little over two weeks since the 13th and...."

"Khushi..." Amma looked at me carefully, "are you sure?"

I looked at Amma after all this time she was in the room. She searched for an answer in my eyes, but I was still in shock myself.

"Amma, I think... I think I'm pregnant."