The Beats Of My Heart | Meri Dil Ki Dhadkan

94

Several days later, I was discharged from the hospital. Arnav took me home and Nani welcomed us back, but I remained motionless and zoned out. It was when Arnav picked me up into his arms that I had momentarily snapped back to reality. He carried me through the house and into our room, and while a small part of me was happy to be back in this house and be back in this room, the rest of me couldn't care about anything.

Arnav placed me down in bed and pulled the covers over me before placing a kiss on my forehead. "Get some rest, wife."

Hmm... wife.

He was about to go to the bathroom to wash up, when I grabbed his hand. I didn't want him away from me and he understood from the look on my face. So he sat down beside me and held me in his arms. My emotions came jumbling forward and I started crying, unable to control myself. Arnav soothed me in his arms, whispering sweet words and placing kisses on my head.

Moments later when I stopped crying, he let me go with a kiss on my head and got up to get me water. I didn't object it and drank it all before giving it back to him, and he set it aside before sitting back down in front of me.

"Please don't cry, wife."

I felt my lip quiver, the urge to cry coming back.

He reached forward and pulled me into his arms, holding me. "I can't stand seeing you like this baby, I can't," he whispered into my hair.

I took in a shaky breath, trying hard not to cry once more.

"Things will get better baby, I promise. He will be punished for what he's done."

I didn't respond, remaining silent in his arms, until sleep took over.

*~*

For the next few weeks, I remained at home. Everyone would come in to see me and check in on me, except for Zoni. For some reason, she felt that she was responsible for what had happened, which was absolute nonsense. I felt sorry for her, knowing that she had a crush on Viren, but it was me and Payal that had tried to get the two closer. It's just unfortunate that Viren was a completely mental prick! But the girl still felt horrible, so she decided to head back to America for some time, and no matter what any of us said, it didn't do anything. I had asked Arnav to reason with her, but he let her be, since that was what would make her happy.

As for the situation with Viren, well, it turned out that he really did have mental issues. At first, neither Arnav nor I believed it, especially Arnav. He thought his family was trying to pay people off and show that he was sick, just so that he wouldn't go to prison. But the sensible side of me knew that there truly was something wrong with him and he needed help, and soon enough, I was able to convince Arnav of that as well. It didn't mean that Arnav liked it, but it would just have to do.

Arnav allowed himself to immerse back into work. I had slowly started working again, but things just weren't the same. Every now and then when I would look into Arnav's room and see him focused, I would envy him. I wish I had the powers he did to be able to just shove everything else aside and solely focus on work.

But I couldn't. Even though it had been almost two months, I simply couldn't.

As hard as I tried, I just couldn't get myself fully together. I was still angry, and I was still hurt. What did my not-even-fully-developed baby do to deserve no chance at life? A doctor had once tried to explain to me that miscarriages were more common than people thought, and that one in every six women would suffer from a miscarriage, or whatever numbers she had said, I didn't really pay too much attention to her. The only thing I understood was that it wasn't fair. And even if miscarriages were common, my case wasn't the same as this, I had gotten shoved to the ground and lost my child. It wasn't something natural, it was because of man's insanity that I lost my child.

I cursed him. I cursed Viren with my entire soul and wished that he would never find happiness. I cursed his family, especially his mother who had the gall to come running into my home and beg Arnav and I for forgiveness on behalf of her son. But she would never get that from me, and she would never, ever get it from Arnav. Seeing his anger that day and the way he had lashed out on that woman, only showed me more how badly he had been hurt about the loss of our child.

He lost it before he even got to know about it.

In normal situations I would've scolded him for yelling at someone like that, but that day I didn't. I let him say it all, even though the family tried to reason with him. But I let him be and requested for the family to not intervene as well. I let him have his way and when he put restraining orders against that family from ours, I had no fucking problem with it at all.

But even through it all, I was still upset. A part of me felt a void, an emptiness. I tried not to let it get to me as much, but it was hard. Some nights, I just couldn't sleep, and the same had happened tonight as well. I looked at Arnav as he slept beside me, looking peaceful as ever. But I knew better and knew that the only time he felt peace was when he was asleep, with me, or both together. And while Arnav did give me a sense of peace, it didn't entirely do it for me, which hurt me, as much as frustrated me.

And I'd had enough.

At the crack of dawn, I slipped out of bed, put on some joggers, a tank top, and hoodie, and left.