Trapped by Desire (vkook) (mpreg)

t h i r t y - e i g h t

    "Thanks for meeting me."

    "I was surprised when you texted. I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me."

Seokjin smiles sadly as he and Jeongguk take a seat at one of the picnic tables in the park.

    "You didn't look great at court yesterday so I wanted to meet up." He says. "Just to give you a chance to explain what happened. And to make sure you were okay."

    "I'm okay. I'm just not in a good place mentally. I've never had my heart broken before so I'm just kinda going through the motions." Jeongguk says with a humorless laugh, looking down at his hands as he fidgets. "I wanted to see Jaehyung and Hanjae. Since they turn one month today, but it's not Saturday. So I can't."

    "I'm sorry, Jeongguk. I really am." Seokjin sighs. He's ever seen Jeongguk so disheveled.

    "It's just crazy. All of this." The ravenette says looking off, still jittering restlessly. "You see them more than I do and I'm their dad. Just because you guys got the wrong idea."

    "What do you mean?" Seokjin asks.

    "I'm not a bad guy, hyung. All my life I've gone out of my way not to be a bad person." Jeongguk sighs. "I've never cheated anyone. I've never hurt anyone intentionally. And I've never killed anyone. Because I'm not that guy. My brother, and my dad. They're the bad guys, not me."

Seokjin stays silent. Giving Jeongguk the opportunity to continue.

    "Who I am when I'm around Taehyung is who I want to be all the time. When I'm with you guys, that's who I want to be. That's who I am." Jeongguk says, looking down as tears form in his eyes. "That's the person that my father won't accept. The person he tried to beat out of me. I'm not anything that he ever wanted in a son. Because I don't have what it takes to make innocent people suffer."

    "Jeongguk," Seokjin says laying his hand on top of Jeongguk's trembling ones.

    "Before Taehyung no one cared about me. And I didn't care about anyone." Jeongguk says through his tears. "I never knew how to love someone. I didn't know I could love someone. Before him I had no one to protect but myself. Then all of a sudden I had all these people to protect and I was desperate enough to do anything. Which is where I fucked up. I can admit that. But the only reason I did that was to keep everyone safe."

    "I understand." Seokjin says trying to calm him now.

    "Taehyung said he didn't know me anymore. But he was the only person that ever truly did know me, hyung. He was the only person I could genuinely be myself around. And he didn't judge me." Jeongguk says wiping his tears. "Now all he sees me as is this horrible person. Who does horrible things. Who's done horrible things."

Seokjin swallows his own tears. "You aren't a horrible person, Jeongguk. I know you love him. He loves you too."

    "He doesn't~"

    "He does." Seokjin says firmly. "You can't just stop loving someone."

Jeongguk shakes his head. Covering his face with his hands. "I feel so screwed  up, hyung. Things weren't supposed to go like this. We were happy, we were gonna be a family."

Seokjin sighs, he felt so bad for Jeongguk. He just didn't know what to say to comfort him right now.

    "You don't have to feel sorry for me, hyung. I did this to myself. It's my fault." Jeongguk says when he sees Seokjin's expression. "I should've walked out of that family the minute I found out Taehyung was pregnant. Things would be so different."