Trapped by Desire (vkook) (mpreg)

f o u r t y - t h r e e

    "Jeongguk, get your ass up. It's Saturday."

    "Stop~"

    "You stop."

Jeongguk groans, hiding his face in his pillow as Jimin pulled the curtains open.

    "You've been asleep since Thursday. How tired can you be?" The older says opening the blinds to let some light into the room. "I can't believe you're still laying down. The twins are supposed to be here in a few hours."

    "Please stop." Jeongguk says turning over with the covers over his head. "I told Taehyung to keep the twins."

    "What?" Jimin asks turning to him with his arms crossed. "You only get them two days a week, why would you tell him to keep them?"

    "I'm sick."

    "Bullshit."

Jeongguk doesn't respond, staying silent from where he lays completely engulfed in his duvet.

    "What's gotten into you?" Jimin says sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You were acting weird when I saw you last. And you never call out of work or miss time with the boys."

    "I'm sick, Jimin." Jeongguk insists without moving. "Just leave me alone, please."

    "Let me see you." Jimin says pulling the cover off his head. Pressing the palm of his hand to Jeongguk's forehead as he examines his bloodshot eyes. "I guess you are a little warm."

    "I want to be left alone." Jeongguk sighs, turning his back to Jimin. "I'm fine. I just wanna be alone...please."

    "Are you sure you're okay? You're not acting like yourself~"

    "I'm fine, Jimin! Can you just leave?" Jeongguk snaps, his outburst startling Jimin. "What don't you get?"

    "Fine. You don't have to be an asshole." Jimin says standing and grabbing his phone and keys. "Feel better soon."

Jeongguk ignores him, sighing when he hears the front door slam shut. He felt like shit, but not because he was sick.  He couldn't pinpoint the exact reason but he knew it was a combination of things.

A few nights ago his mind got extremely dark, it took him places that he hadn't been in years. He was so low and he could only think of two ways to make that feeling go away, and both were horrible options.

He knew it was coming before it even happened. He's known for months that the day was coming where he'd want to use again. But he kept avoiding it, and looking into the future. Setting goals for the future that had nothing to do with getting high.

But even that wasn't enough the other night. The only thing that stopped him from acting on his impulses was the thought of his boys. His children, they needed him. They needed him to be a good father, and he couldn't do that if he hurt himself or if he went out and got high.

Using would only temporarily make him feel better, then he'd come crashing down to earth. Just like when Jimin or Seokjin left him alone after visiting. So instead of doing that he went to sleep. Despite his intrusive thoughts and his self hatred he went to sleep, and he slept for as long as he could. And when he couldn't sleep he laid there until he eventually could.

It wasn't therapy, it wasn't a sponsor talking him out of his impulses. But it did stop him from ruining his life all over again that night.

~Seokjin's apartment...~

    "Bloodshot?"