Half of my Heart // Viserys Targaryen // Daemon Targaryen

58. All the Feelings All at once

"Rhaenyra sends her best." Avalon remarked sitting down next to Viserys on the couch.

"Oh... and the other children?' Viserys questioned as Avalon leaned into him.

"They are alright... they want to see you." Avalon told him trailing her fingers through his hair.

"I... I'm not ready." Viserys told her.

"I know I'm just the messenger." Avalon whispered kissing his cheek. "I love you Viserys... I promise you can take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't know how I got so lucky." Viserys whispered.

"Honestly, neither do I." Avalon teased. "We go as slow or as fast as you like. With the children, the small council, everything. There is no rush. We have all the time in the world."

"So lucky am I. to have such a perfect wife."

But Avalon wasnt perfect, she was a mess. 

Avalon couldnt sleep she was too worried about viserys. He wasnt himself.

She loved him, she loved her children but sitting through council meetings and being the 'king' in his place, making the choices and decisions. She never wanted that responsibility. She wanted to be a mum and love and explore and ride her dragon. Mouse was surely being neglected.  But she sat through the meetings and she was actually learning quite a lot but she didnt want to the Queen and rule the realms. Not while viserys was like this, she didnt want him to be bedridden for her to take charge. 

Viserys was barely leaving his room, it had become his room. He didnt even want her to see him like that. She hated that too. Some nights she fell asleep beside him but most nights she found herself in her chambers, one that Viserys and her used to sleep. 

He took a new chambers one closer to the maesters, Avalon hated it. She thought this was the end us them. This was when they fell apart and there was truly nothing she could do to stop it. 

She sat across from Rhaenyra while they broke their fast and Rhaenyra seemed content. Avalon was not one to lose her temper but hell if she wasnt in a mood. Sleep deprived, a mother of two, a husband that refused to leave his bed and Rhaenyra didnt once visit. Acted as though he didnt exist. Her head rested in her hand bored and tired and about to fall into her oatmeal of exhaustion when Rhaenyra spoke up. 

"Can you pass the strawberries?" Rhaenyra questioned and that just about did it. 

"Can you visit your father?" Avalon sassed. 

Rhaenyra just stared back at her a moment longer. 

"Laenor can you pass the strawberries?" Rhaenyra demanded and Avalon let out a dramatic groan. Laenor looked between them awkwardly before reaching down the table and grabbing the strawberries. 

"Can you talk to your father, Rhaenyra?" Avalon begged. "I love you Rhaenyra but Viserys is your father. My husband. You are heir to the iron throne and yet you dont- you have not yet visited him once." Avalon declared her voice breaking. "Did you forget that you loved him? Did you forget all about the good? He could have died. He could have died, he lost an arm and you havent even looked twice at him."

"I can't look at him." Rhaenyra corrected. 

"Rhaenyra." Avalon said through an exasperated breath. 

"I'm sorry but I'm cant." Rhaenyra shouted. "He's-"

"He dropped at your wedding. You have not seen him since. Take this attitude of yours and shove it up your ass because I dont want to hear it anymore." Avalon shouted her hands slapping down on the table as she got up. 

"Avalon-"

"No. Just no..." Avalon murmured heading out. 

"Mama," Aegon's little voice, his little smile, little sunfyre in his hand made her smile, made her forget everything else. 

"Hi baby, I missed you. I miss that face when I'm gone." 

"Mama tired." Aegon remarked. 

"Mama is feeling all the feelings all at once." Avalon agreed. 

"All the feelings... that sounds like a lot." Aegon remarked. 

"It really is."