Limerence • Auli'i Cravalho (gxg)

the pretty & the ugly

Note: Before we begin, this chapter talks about subject matters like- chronic illness, chronic pain and thoughts of self-harm. Please do not read this chapter if any of these are not topics you are comfortable with. Thank you.

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"Baby," Auli'i takes your hands into her own, "Look at me." You were a sobbing mess as she sat on the floor with you. "You're okay, I got you. Okay?" She cups your cheeks, swiping the falling tears away with her thumbs.

"It hurts, Auli'i. It hurts." You pathetically conveyed that to her, your words interrupted by sniffles and the snot coming out of your nose. Unfazed, she simply grabs you a tissue from the nightstand beside her and handed it to you. It hurt her to see you struggling without any answers. "I know, honey." A soft sigh falls from her lips. She wanted so desperately to help you, but despite both your efforts, doctors refused to take you seriously.

"A life like this isn't worth it." You let it slip- it'd been a long and painful few months. You were tired. Your quality of life has been severely impacted, you no longer enjoyed anything you used to love, you couldn't move around much without feeling pain.

Hearing them indirectly call you crazy and simply sending you home with over-the-counter pain medication, she was in disbelief each time. It has been an absolutely draining fight for you. "Here, you want to try the other medication?" She suggests to you softly. You shook your head no, swallowing thickly. Not wanting to push you further on that matter, she simply holds you in her embrace for awhile. Rubbing your back, just how you liked it to soothe you, her mind drifts...

"Well, that's something." Doctor 1 started, "Based on the scan, that would be a lipoma. Basically a harmless tumor made of fat tissue."

Despite the relief you felt after knowing the diagnosis, you were still having trouble keeping the pain under control. So, you found yourself back seeing a doctor a month later with worsened pain levels. Hours later, the doctor tells you, "I'm sorry, we don't know what it is."

"So..."

"We can't tell what it is." Doctor 2 reiterated, "We can give you more pain medication to try again, though. A different kind."

You left the doctor's office feeling absolutely ticked off, but you wanted to cry. "More pain medication? What am I? Do they think I'm lying about it?"

— • —

"Let's get you into bed, hm?" She breaks away briefly, your eyes met. Knowingly, she picks you up and put you in bed carefully. The first time she tried to help you up off the floor, you almost made her fall onto the ground with you because the pain in your abdomen made it so hard for you to stand. "What do you want for dinner?" She asks you. "I dunno. Anything works." You shrug, trying hard to get comfortable.

She smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead, "Try to get some rest. I'll think of something." You nodded, a tiny smile tugs at your lips before she exits the room. Auli'i makes her way to the office room. Sitting at her desk, she flips her laptop open. Freezing for a moment, she eventually went onto Google and soon found herself scouring through forum after forum that discussed symptoms that you have experienced. But, to no avail. She shuts the laptop sadly and grabs her phone to answer any texts and some emails.

"Auli'i, how's everything, honey?" Her Mom asks on the other end of the phone. She walks over to the door to close it quietly.

"I'm doing good, but we're still struggling to get a proper diagnosis. Can't even get her a scan or something to rule out anything."

"What did they check for?"

"Um. They just felt around her lower right side because that's where she felt the discomfort. It's strange, though- once they did a physical exam, the pain never went away. In fact, it's been getting worse." Auli'i answers, "I seriously think it's not a lipoma."

"Try searching for different opinion. Go to a different doctor." Her Mom suggests.

"We've been to the hospital four different times and four different doctors have attended to her. I don't- Mom, they basically said it was all in her head. How screwed up is that? They're supposed to help people. Instead she's always crying from the pain, nauseous or even throwing up."

"Try a different hospital. Explain everything to them, bring up that you want her to get some sort of scan to rule out anything at all before they proceed. If they don't want to do a scan for her, leave. Go to the next hospital."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, thanks Mom."

"Don't even mention it, sweetheart." Her Mom assured, "I miss you both and love you. I'm sending all the good thoughts your way, okay? I'll see you ladies soon."

"I love you, Mom. Thank you."

"I love you too, sweetheart." With that, she puts her phone down and returned to her laptop to do some research on hospitals in the area and beyond.

— • —

Nothing could've prepared either of you for the hell-like reality having to deal with this. It was about six months later before you got a (correct) diagnosis and more importantly, a team of doctors that actually listened to you instead of laughing your pain off. There was a biopsy, then the waiting for results, then discussing treatment options— so overwhelming. More waiting it out, more anxiety, more worries came in.

"At least it's benign." You remarked, licking your dry lips, "I just don't know what I wanna do. Do I wait and see? Or do I just go for the procedure?"

"We have some time to decide. Take it easy for now." She coaxed, "Just rest, sweet girl. You've had a long day."

You'd just gotten your biopsy results a few hours prior. Of course, there was a lot of waiting at the doctor's office and that made your anxiety worse. Thankfully, Auli'i was there with you just like she has always been- every step of the way.

Waking up from your nap a couple hours later, she leads you out to the dining room for dinner. "Enjoy." She pulls out a chair for you and smooches you on the cheek. She'd prepared your favourite dish- pesto pasta. That certainly brought a smile to your face. "Thank you."

"Some wine to celebrate." She slides the glass closer to you. You pick it up, "Cheers." A tear slips from your eye as you took a sip of the wine. The relief that you felt was impeccable, and you were so crazy thankful for Auli'i who'd advocated for you as much as you did for yourself. "Thank you so much for everything you've done for me and helped me with."

"Anything for you, my love."

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Unedited. Published: Monday, 09 October 2023

Inspired by my own experience with a rare chronic illness/disease, Auli'i's shows and movies have been such a great source of comfort for me during the most difficult days- like a big, warm hug. Okay, you know the drill, if you enjoyed this part please leave a vote. Thank you for reading.