Limerence • Auli'i Cravalho (gxg)

i'm fakin

"Hello? Auli'i are you stupid or are you acting dumb as heck?" Tyler shot her a look.

"What?" Annoyed, she snaps at him.

"You're just gonna let her go like that?"

"Like, what? She said she's busy, Tyler. What am I supposed to do?" Auli'i crosses her arms.

"Are you lying to yourself right now?"

"Ty, what the hell are you talking about?" Auli'i complains.

"You don't know that we saw you two...y'know."

"Ew, what the fuck? You-"

"It wasn't my fault you two were gone practically forever while we were in the middle of a game." Tyler scoffs, "Y'all were sucking faces like no one's business."

"And then she proceeded to tell me the next day that it was a mistake. So...shut up."

"She's so damn in love with you." Tyler corrected.

Auli'i chuckles dryly, "She said we were done."

"Since when did you guys even...start?"

"We didn't, exactly go out."

"And you're assuming that she doesn't feel the same way about you because..." Tyler took a swig of his beer after he spoke.

"Does she look like she wants to be in a relationship after everything you know?" Auli'i glares at him.

"Hey, don't give me that look." Tyler says, "I'm just trying help you two out."

"Oh, are you? Because so far the only thing we've established is that I've been making out or sleeping with her for the past three months, no strings attached."

"Three months?!" Tyler's eyes look like they were about to fall out. "Seems about right- you and Y/N always seem to be awfully close."

"I tried to talk about it- she changes the subject every time. So fast."

"Is she seeing anyone?" Asked Tyler.

"I don't think so."

"You gotta be sure, babes. Come on." Tyler huffs, "Ask her out to dinner tonight and just lay it all out for her. Tell her what you want. And if she can confidently tell you she doesn't want to be with you, so be it. Continue whatever it is you two have got going on."

"How dare you call me dumb?!"

"Sorry." He grinned sheepishly.

— • —

Dinner went...south. The meal itself was great, but when Auli'i brought up the conversation of your 'relationship' with her, you avoided that topic for dear life and you saw that look on her face- she was very pissed off.  "I can't keep pretending that I don't like you romantically, Y/N." She revealed.

"What we have is great, why do we have to do more?"

"Not for me. That's not enough. I want to be with you. I want the times that we're together to mean more than just the physical things."

"Fuck, Auli'i." You cursed, feeling the tears well up in your eyes, "I'm sc-"

"Scared? Yeah, so am I." She scoffs, her fork dropping onto the dinner table with a clank.

You couldn't stand seeing her mad at you. You immediately burst into tears and tried to hide it(poorly). Her facial expression softens, "We can talk it out, Y/N."

"I don't- " Your breath hitches, "I don't know how. Being in a relationship with a woman, that scares me. I feel disgusted with myself. All my life- that's what I was taught. That's what was shown to me as normal- to feel complete utter disgust toward relationships between two men, two women, whatever. Up till a month ago, I couldn't even fully say to myself- 'Y/N, you're gay. You like women.'"

She looked at you as you spoke. You could feel her gaze on you. Intensely.

"After every time we get together, I'd be filled with immense guilt- telling myself over and over that what I did was gross and wrong. I'd enjoy it and then afterwards I just...can't deal with myself. My mom's voice runs through my mind on an endless loop- her reaction to queer representation in the media: all negative. Her going- 'ew', gagging. I don't know what to do, Auli'i. I'm very...very sorry. I can't do that to you, I'm not ready and that's on me."

You heard a sniff and you wipe your tears away, seeing her weeping. "That's not your fault." She tells you, "It's not your fault. At all, Y/N."

"I shouldn't be reacting that way if I-"

"Y/N, please listen to me. It's not your fault- you were wrongly taught that you can't be who you are. You were a kid, you trusted the grownups around you and just learnt through the point of view."

You nodded slowly trying to process what she was saying, "I'll definitely be needing a lot of time to work through my...problems. But, I do like you. I just cannot be in a relationship right now when I have all this unresolved shit."

"I get that." She assured, "Take all the time you need. I'll be waiting for you." Auli'i squeezes your hand.

"No, you don't have to-"

"Y/N, I'm very serious. I'm willing to do whatever it takes as long as it means I get to be with you. But eventually, if things turns out otherwise...I just want you to know you'll always have me in your corner."

— • —

Unedited. Published: Saturday, 16 December 2023

Here's a short little part in an attempt to stay consistent. Had this idea on the back burner for the longest time but I just didn't know how to write it right. The attached song was what inspired this part, and Y/N's struggles reflect my own and it just felt too personal to write. But I think I'm ready. So here. Enjoy.

Thank you for reading.