Limerence • Auli'i Cravalho (gxg)

anxiety

📌 the follow chapter includes, but isn't limited to: anxiety mentions & description + strong emotions. anxiety/panic attacks. reader discretion is advised.

Auli'i had meetings all morning so when you woke up at eight-thirty, she had already left the house. You were glad you didn't get woken up by the noise of her getting ready because you simply felt like shit. Mentally. You didn't know what triggered this feeling today, but you just knew you weren't feeling good. You thoughts were racing, as was your heart. You did not feel like yourself today. Even a usually simple task of making yourself breakfast or even a cup of coffee made you feel like you were going to cry, or pass out. Or both.

You drag yourself to the restroom to wash up and brush your teeth, hoping that the cold water on your face would have an effect on you. But, no. Still felt the same. Next course of action was to force yourself to get out of the house. So...you put on your favourite New Balances and walked through a nearby garden with your headphones on, listening to your favourite playlist. Admittedly, it felt nice to be out getting some fresh air...but you still had that sense of anxiety and dread in the back of your head weighing down on you.

You were quickly home again, sitting on the couch in silence and staring into space for sometime before Rocco stopped by your feet and startled you. Sighing, you annoyedly rubbed your face and got up to go to the kitchen. Heating up a couple of frozen waffles in the toaster, you cracked an egg into a bowl planning to make a scrambled egg to go with the waffles. Behind you, you could hear Rocco's bell on his collar tinkling as you carried on with your task. Every little sound seems to be setting you off in a fight or flight mode but your body just doesn't respond in either way. It felt like you were stuck, it felt your chest with constricting against itself, making breathing so much harder.

'But it's not supposed to be hard, because we're all supposed to breathe every second of the day. Why am I feeling like this? Why is even, breathing so hard to do? Why- what-'

Your alarm goes off and you genuinely felt like your heart stopped for a second. Frantically searching for your phone, you turned the alarm off and put it aside. Abruptly remembering that you were cooking an egg, you whipped around to turn the stove up. And right on cue, the toaster dings and scared the living shit out of you.

"Ugh, fuck!" You whisper-yelled, "Stop being like this. Oh, my God." Plating the food, you sat down at the table to eat. Frankly, you were hungry and you knew it. But you couldn't bring yourself to eat much at all. And shit would it feel great to have Auli'i be here with you right now.

As much as you tried to tune out the noises or sounds of the bustling city of New York, you couldn't. Each police siren, ambulance siren that zoomed by made you feel worse. It made you feel like you were about to burst into tears for no goddamn reason. You just could not figure out why you were feeling this way.

"Okay, breathe. Y/N, breathe." You reminded yourself. And you did. Barely, but it was a tad of progress.

— • —

You reached for the TV remote to turn it on, hoping it would help you take your mind off of how you were feeling. It helped, after awhile once you were totally engrossed in the show's world. So much so that when Auli'i came home, the sound of the keys in the door scared you.

"Oh! Hi, baby." She was startled by you. The fact that you were at home at one in the afternoon when you'd usually be out and about, if not at work.

She had barely set foot inside the apartment before she realised something was wrong. "Baby, are you okay? Are you sick?" She asks. You hear her kick her shoes off, put them on the rack and hang up her purse. But, she was right by your side just like you wanted. "No." You mumbled. "I- don't know why but I've just been feeling anxious all morning. Nothing I can do about it, it seems. I tried going on a walk, making myself something to eat, playing with Rocco. But I just feel...bad."

"Oh, baby..." She instantly cuddles you, your head laying on her chest as she combs a hand through your hair soothingly, "That's totally okay. I get these days sometimes, and I get through it just fine. You help me through them, and I will too. I'm right here with you, my love."

She cups your face in both hands, gazing into your eyes lovingly and it made you teary eyed. "Thank you."

"You'll be alright." She lets you lay back down, "I love you. Look at me, look at me."

You exhale, laying flat on your back with your head on her lap. "Deep breaths, babe. In...and out." She does that a handful of times with you, and continues to massage your scalp. Which felt great- it relaxed you to the point where you actually felt your eyes close. She chuckles, "Just sleep if that's what you're feeling." Well, you basically mumbled in response and just snuggled closer and allowed yourself to fall asleep.

When you woke up, she was sitting on the floor working on her laptop. "Hey." You blocked your yawn with the back of your hand, "What ya up to you?"

"A story I'm pitching to the networks."

"Oh." Intrigued, you sat up and took a closer look.

"Yup." She nods, "Oh, and I DoorDashed your favourite empanadas and some cookies from Levain Bakery."

"Thanks, Li'i." You smiled lightly, deciding to get up and move around. You took a visit to the restroom before you grabbed something to eat from the array on the dining table.

She called you back over, "Come here, baby."

"Did you eat yet?" You asked as you carefully sat down beside her on the carpeted area of the coffee table.

"Still eating." She tilts her head towards the half eaten beef empanada on the table.

"Right." You laughed a little.

Her eyes squinted for a second, "Feeling better?"

"I dunno." You shrug, "I still feel a little weird but I'm trying not focus on that and push through." She rubs your back instinctively and nodded. "Wanna watch some TV?"

"Sounds nice, sure."

She hands the remote to you, you then looked through your options for a minute before settling on '2 Broke Girls'. It always brings you some laughs. "Good choice." Auli'i remarked. "Do you want soda? There's apple and colombiana soda from the empanada place."

"Oh, I'll take a colombiana one."

She stops work for a bit to finish eating- and take a break. "I'm working based on your idea you brought up a couple months ago." She tells you, leaning against the couch.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. That was a great one- I really think viewers would love to see that. I know I would love to see it come to live from just writings on a page."

"Can I see?"

"Of course." She moved the laptop so that it was facing you as she munched on her food. "You know- you feel a little warm."

"What?"

"Yeah." She feels your forehead with the back of her hand. "I think you have a fever."

"I feel fine." You reply. And you really did. You didn't feel sick- just the anxiousness waxing and waning.

"Okay." Auli'i nodded, "If you do feel worse, let me know, please."

"Okay. Promise." You let your focus back onto the show, and eating. She leaves you be, letting you relax as she has been. Regardless, it just felt so good to have her company. It made you feel safe. She was your person.

— • —

Unedited. Published: Friday, 08 March 2024

I didn't know what to title this one but well, an idea's an idea so here's a oneshot for yall. Also! New cover- how are we feeling about this one?